The full times
- Arsenal 1-0 Southampton
- Chelsea 3-0 Tottenham Hotspur
- Everton 1-1 Hull City
- Sunderland 1-4 Manchester City
At the top, Chelsea and City tear clear from defeated Southampton, while Arsenal move up to sixth. Meanwhile at the bottom, Hull leapfrog Burnley to escape the bottom three. And just in time, here’s Kal Hodgson with his top five butties: “Chip, Cheese, Crisp, Fish Finger, Egg. There’s a lot of nonsense being talked here.”
Updated
But Hull get their first point in five matches! They’d have taken the point at 95 minutes and 40 seconds, when Everton were incorrectly gifted a corner. However Steve Bruce is livid at hearing the final whistle, and no wonder, because from the corner Hull tear up the field on a three-on-one break! Ah well, he’d have taken that 1-1 draw in the morning.
The first final whistles, and the top two have won. Chelsea are 3-0 winners over Tottenham, while City have sealed a 4-1 deal at Sunderland. And at the Emirates, Arsenal have scraped that 1-0 win against the suddenly shaky Saints. There’s still a little bit of time to go at Goodison, though, where there’s six minutes of added time.
Milner nearly makes it five for Manchester City, bursting down the inside left and curling one towards the top right. If it was on target, it was in. Meanwhile at Stamford Bridge, Chadli fires a shot towards the top left from 30 yards, but Courtois is comfortably behind it. “Clearly the champion of gastronomical packaging is to be found at Rutgers University and is correctly named a Grease Truck,” writes Adam Richman Charles Scott. “Customers have the option of adding a full hamburger avec roll, chips, chicken schnitzel, and mozzarella sticks on a baguette. Crowning achievement? If anyone eats five full sandwiches within 45 minutes they can create their own concoction.” Please tell me they’re allowed to take it home for later.
GOAL! Arsenal 1-0 Southampton (Sanchez 89)
Chambers crosses from the right. Cue melee! Ramsey, at the near post, eventually pulls the ball back into the middle, where Sanchez smashes home. Relief for the home support! No chip butty, but a precious three points!
Updated
And we so nearly get one at the Emirates! Arsenal are on the front foot, because Saints, having used their three subs, are now down to ten men, Alderweireld off injured. Giroud nearly headed Podolski’s right wing cross over the excellent Forster, but it’s clawed away. However ...
All four games appear to be freewheeling towards the final whistle. Just trying to tempt fate into dishing us up a dramatic finish or two ...
It’s end to end at Goodison, with Lukaku and Aluko both taking speculative shots at their respective ends. And now Barkley whips a free kick from the right towards the far post, but there’s nobody there to bundle home. “Those chips look great, but up here they’d be put on a roll,” begins Dundee gastronome Simon McMahon. “And the only thing better than a chip roll is a pie on a roll. And the only thing better than a pie on a roll is a pie on a roll on a roll. Or to give it its proper name, pie royale.” Can you get that with cheese?
Oscar is very close to making it four, dancing around on the edge of the Spurs D before dragging the ball left of the goal frame. Chelsea are riffing on their guests’ pain here. It’s what they do.
GOAL! Chelsea 3-0 Tottenham Hotspur (Remy 73)
A ball played down the left channel. Remy’s after it, and ahead of Vertonghen, albeit on the defender’s outside. No worries! He drops a shoulder, pauses a little, and turns inside, leaving the big defender sliding around like Billy Wright circa November 1953, and placing a perfect shot around Lloris and into the bottom-right corner! Game over here too, but then we kind of knew that the minute the first goal went in, Spurs at Stamford Bridge being Spurs at Stamford Bridge, and all that.
Updated
GOAL! Sunderland 1-4 Manchester City (Aguero 71)
Milner takes a touch down the right, then whips a low ball into the box. Aguero gets a step ahead of the clodhopping Vergini, and batters a shot into the right-hand side of the net from eight yards. This is certainly over. As is ...
Updated
Arsenal are beginning to turn the screw on Southampton at the Emirates. Forster has just made two marvellous saves, parrying a blooter from Giroud down the inside-left channel, then scrambling clear as Welbeck attempts to poke one into the bottom right. Still goalless, though.
Spurs are seeing a lot of the ball at Stamford Bridge, but they’re doing very little with it. Chelsea are more than content to sit back and soak it all up. It’s what Mourinho teams do. Meanwhile Drogba, who had been limping around just before the break, finally takes his leave. He’s replaced by Liverpool’s Loic Remy.
Everton are rocking a bit at Goodison. Howard flaps under a high ball, catching it, then dropping it at Jelavic’s feet. It’s double relief for the hapless keeper, as Jelavic whips his first-time shot wide right of the open goal, and is penalised for jumping with Howard anyway. Never a free kick. Lucky keeper. Molly-coddled keeper.
Now Alkuo diddles away down the left, digging out a cross by the corner flag and finding Jelavic in the centre. The former Everton man should at least hit the target, ten yards out, but his header flashes inches wide left. Hull should be leading. “Chip butty = french fry sandwich?” wonders Rodney Smith. “Charming, curious, different — and therefore scary and wrong. My cultural relativism is aching in Bowie, Maryland USA.” Exactly how I was feeling last Thursday during Thanksgiving, as I wolfed down mouthfuls of sweet potato topped with marshmallow. Scary, wrong, and so so good. Give the chip butty a go.
GOAL! Everton 1-1 Hull City (Aluko 59)
A magnificent run down the inside-right channel by Aluko, who turned past a static Distin and smashed a low shot into the bottom-right corner. Should Howard have been beaten at his near post? The purists would say no, but that was a fine finish, take nothing away from the Hull star.
Updated
GOAL! Sunderland 1-3 Manchester City (Zabaleta 55)
Oh this is a beautiful goal by City, and so simple! Nasri holding up possession down the right, draws a couple of defenders, drags the ball back and then immediately slips it forward for Zabaleta, who chips delightfully over the advancing keeper! That is marvellous. How well City have responded to falling behind to that early stroke of bad luck, a farce which heavily depended on the input of Zabaleta. A perfect narrative arc. If you’re a City fan, of course.
Updated
Eriksen tries to curl one into the top right corner of Chelsea’s net from 30 yards. It’s not the best effort you’ll ever see, but not the worst, setting off on target before drifting well wide and high. Spurs need something quickly. At the Emirates, Saints should be leading, but Long got greedy on the break, blootering miles over after scooting down the right wing, with Pelle in acres waiting to convert in the middle.
Everton’s sparkling winger Mirallas tries to lob McGregor from 30 yards with an insouciant swipe of the outside of his boot. He nearly gets it right, too. I think the keeper had it just about covered. That would have put a stop to Hull’s gallop, the away side at Goodison having flown out of the blocks at half time and put Everton under a little pressure.
And we’re off again! Everton and Hull were the first to get going, then Sunderland and Manchester City, then Arsenal and Southampton, then finally Chelsea and Tottenham. I don’t know why I bothered reporting that. For the record, Drogba is back on at Stamford Bridge, though Cahill, who clattered his noggin early doors, isn’t. He’s been replaced by Zouma. “Oh c’mon,” cries Kal Hodgson. “Here I am, marking A level homework and watching the updates and you tempt me, mercilessly, with that delicious looking chip butty. I once compiled a top 5 ‘best butties’ and the chip butty was number 1.” Ahead of bacon? And sausage? And egg? And bacon, sausage and egg? Hmm. But those were the other four in your list, right?
Half-time Premier League repast:
The half-times
- Arsenal 0-0 Southampton
- Chelsea 2-0 Tottenham Hotspur
- Everton 1-0 Hull City
- Sunderland 1-2 Manchester City
Drogba was being helped off the pitch at Stamford Bridge, so it’ll be interesting to see whether the old boy continues for the second half. Will they risk him, given you can currently get as much as 123-1 on Spurs?
Oscar skitters along the byline to the left of the Spurs goal, then cuts a ball back for Willan, who attempts to curl one into the bottom right. Nearly. Spurs will be desperate to hear the half-time whistle. Up at the Stadium of Light, Rodwell nearly bundles in an equaliser, but is denied by Zabaleta’s block. And our rude finger-clickin’ and lug-cuffin’ nearly pays dividends at the Emirates, with Welbeck flashing a header goalwards from eight yards, Forster doing very well to tip over.
Three great games going on here! Chelsea and City are in the ascendency, flooding forward in waves, and Everton are now knocking it around at Goodison with supreme confidence. Oy! Arsenal and Southampton! [clicks fingers under their collective nose, considers a cuff around the lug] Wee goal or two, perhaps? Hmm?
City are all over Sunderland now. Navas is in acres down the right. He reaches the byline and lifts a ball to the far post, where Clichy connects with a header six yards out. But he’s off target. What a chance to put a little light-blue daylight between the two teams.
GOAL! Sunderland 1-2 Manchester City (Jovetic 39)
This is magnificent. Toure powers down the inside right, and fires a low ball towards Agureo, his back to goal on the edge of the D. Aguero immediately flicks the ball to his right, setting Jovetic free into the box down the inside-left channel. Jovetic slips the ball under Pantilimon, and the champions are clearly in the mood to stay on Chelsea’s tail.
Updated
Drogba hoicks a free kick from 30 yards into the top tier of the Shed. And now he’s just fluffed an easy header from six yards, heading a right-wing cross straight back across goal. God almighty that’s dreadful. But to be fair, he’s already scored one and set up another.
GOAL! Everton 1-0 Hull City (Lukaku 34)
Mirallas really is some player. There he was scoring a screamer at Spurs on Sunday. Now he’s just made the assist of the week. He skins Dawson down the right, making a vicious right-to-left swerve around the helpless defender, and reaches the byline, before pulling a ball back onto the penalty spot. Lukaku, rushing in, can’t miss, blasting home. That’s all about Mirallas, though.
Updated
Hull are very much holding their own at Everton, and the same can be said for Saints at Arsenal. Just keeping plates spinning.
Some pretty football from Spurs at Stamford Bridge, the fog of funk slowly clearing. A few crisp triangles across the front of the Chelsea box. Eriksen very nearly scoops a brilliant ball through for Kane, but there’s a cluster of blue shirts swarming around, and a clearing header puts an end to that.
Spurs have got the funk on. They’re in shock, dropping right back, in damage limitation mode right now. And up at the Stadium of Light, it’s all City, Aguero and then Fernandinho flashing long-distance shots not that far outside the goal frame. Sunderland appear to have rattled the big beast’s cage with that opening goal.
GOAL! Chelsea 2-0 Tottenham Hotspur (Drogba 22)
Dearie me. Spurs oh Spurs oh Spurs. Lloris mistimes a clearance, and Drogba takes full advantage by whistling a beauty into the top right! And there’s Tottenham with that wonderful start. A 28-game wait, then, unless something absurd happens from here on in.
Updated
GOAL! Sunderland 1-1 Manchester City (Aguero 21)
But the champions aren’t behind for long. Aguero goes on a right-wing power run of his own, nutmegs O’Shea, and lashes a stunner into the top right!
Updated
GOAL! Sunderland 1-0 Manchester City (Wickham 19)
Wickham chases a ball down the inside-left channel. It’s a powerful run into the box. But Zabaleta, on his left shoulder, gets to it first. However, the full back kicks it off the striker to his right, and the ball balloons into the goal!
Updated
GOAL! Chelsea 1-0 Tottenham Hotspur (Hazard 19)
After all that Spurs pressure, a brilliant Chelsea goal, as Hazard cuts in from the left, one-twos with Drogba to break into the box, and lashes a shot past Lloris into the top left! It’s counter intuitive, but Spurs having started so well, this is no surprise.
Updated
Seventeen minutes after kick off, Chelsea have turned up! Willian glides in from the left, and feeds Drogba on the edge of the D. The striker lays off immediately for Fabregas, who attempts a curler into the top right. It’s on target, but there’s no real venom in the shot, and Lloris gathers with a yawn. That’s much better from the home side, though. And sure enough ...
At the Emirates, Pelle has just blazed the ball 30,000 feet over the crossbar from six yards! A sickener for Saints. He was hovering on the left-hand edge of the box, and off came the lid. What a rush of blood! And more what-could-have-been woe for Spurs on the Fulham Broadway. Kane should have been slipped clean through on goal, but Lamela was wandering around in the middle of the park with his head down, the dozy get. This is a very impressive opening by Spurs, who have to win at Stamford Bridge again one day. Don’t they?
Spurs are certainly in the ascendency at Stamford Bridge. Kane has just gone on a skitter down the left, drifting inside and breaking into the box, before flashing a brilliant shot across the face of the goal and inches wide of the bottom-right corner. No win here since 1990 for Spurs, of course, but they’ll be wondering how they’re not leading this one.
And first word from Goodison Park, where Hull City are enjoying the best of it, a couple of corners allowing former Toffee Jelavic to cause a bit of trouble with his noggin.
And now Kane has just crashed a header against the Chelsea crossbar, looking for the top-right corner after connecting with a Lennon right-wing cross! Chelsea haven’t turned up yet. Strong starts too for Arsenal against Saints, with Welbeck nearly breaking clear down the left, and Sunderland, who are well on top against champions Manchester City.
A strong start for Spurs, who have won themselves a couple of early corners and a free kick in a dangerous position. Vertonghen flashes a header over the bar from eight yards. And he’s clattered into Cahill, with both players in some dazed distress. Looks like they’ll be OK, which is good news.
A bit of emotional admin at Stamford Bridge before Chelsea and Spurs kick off. This is Chelsea’s first match at home since their former manager John Neal’s death, so there’s a round of applause in appreciation of a great man. Where would Chelsea be without him? They were seemingly on an inexorable descent into oblivion when Neal took over in May 1981. The final 847 minutes of their 1980/81 Second Division campaign, under the yoke of Geoff Hurst, yielded a grand total of zero goals. The club had no money, the ruinous East Stand standing as a monument to a series of risible business decisions, and real-estate magnates circled Stamford Bridge, smelling blood.
Neal’s revolution wasn’t instant - Chelsea were nearly relegated to the Third Division for the first time in their existence in 1983 - but the wily bargain purchases of Kerry Dixon, David Speedie, Pat Nevin, Eddie Niedzwiecki and Nigel Spackman eventually turned things around. One of the prettiest Chelsea sides romped to the 1983/84 Second Division championship, then finished a highly creditable sixth on their return to the top flight, after which illness caused Neal to step down.
There would still be bumps in the road to navigate before Chelsea became the behemoth they are today - not least a careless relegation in 1988 - but it’s fair to argue that without Neal’s efforts in the early to mid 1980s, the 1990s and beyond would have looked very different round Fulham Broadway. And we’ve not even touched on what he did at Wrexham, promotions, scalps in the FA Cup and Europe, and all. May one of football’s unsung heroes rest in peace.
Eight teams are in four tunnels. Give it a couple of minutes, and we’ll be off, off, off, off!
The hot team news:
-
Arsenal drop Olivier Giroud in favour of Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain with Danny Welbeck the lone striker!
-
Southampton replace Sadio Mane and Morgan Schneiderlin with Shane Long and Jack Cork!|
-
Chelsea select Didier Drogba to take the place of the suspended Diego Costa!
-
Tottenham Hotspur, who have not won at Stamford Bridge since February 1990, 27 long matches ago, make one change, Erik Lamela replacing Roberto Soldado!
- Everton name Leon Osman in favour of Samuel Eto’o, with neither Steven Naismith nor James McCarthy passing fitness tests!
-
Hull City, having lost four on the bounce, make four changes, Liam Rosenior, Tom Huddlestone, David Meyler and Stephen Quinn coming in for Curtis Davies, Andy Robertson, Hatem Ben Arfa and Robbie Brady!
- Sunderland give Sebastian Coates his first start and name Will Buckley on the wing, with Wes Brown and Adam Johnson missing out!
- Manchester City are without the injured Vincent Kompany and suspended Eliaquim Mangala, so Martin Demichelis and Dedryck Boyata get their boots on!
Updated
Tonight's cast and crew
Arsenal: Martinez, Mertesacker, Ramsey, Sanchez, Koscielny, Monreal, Oxlade-Chamberlain, Chambers, Flamini, Cazorla, Welbeck.
Subs: Gibbs, Rosicky, Podolski, Giroud, Sanogo, Bellerin, Macey.
Southampton: Forster, Clyne, Fonte, Alderweireld, Bertrand, Steven Davis, Wanyama, Cork, Long, Pelle, Tadic.
Subs: Kelvin Davis, Yoshida, Gardos, Mane, Mayuka, Reed, Targett.
Referee: Andre Marriner (W Midlands)
Chelsea: Courtois, Ivanovic, Cahill, Terry, Azpilicueta, Fabregas, Matic, Willian, Oscar, Hazard, Drogba.
Subs: Cech, Luis, Zouma, Mikel, Schurrle, Salah, Remy.
Tottenham Hotspur: Lloris, Chiriches, Fazio, Vertonghen, Davies, Mason, Bentaleb, Lamela, Eriksen, Lennon, Kane.
Subs: Kaboul, Paulinho, Soldado, Vorm, Dier, Naughton, Chadli.
Referee: Mike Dean (Wirral)
Everton: Howard, Coleman, Jagielka, Distin, Baines, Besic, Barry, Osman, Barkley, Mirallas, Lukaku.
Subs: Robles, Hibbert, Eto’o, McGeady, Atsu, Pienaar, Garbutt.
Hull City: McGregor, Rosenior, Dawson, Chester, Elmohamady, Livermore, Huddlestone, Diame, Quinn, Meyler, Jelavic.
Subs: Bruce, Davies, Brady, Jakupovic, Sagbo, Aluko, Robertson.
Referee: Robert Madley (West Yorkshire)
Sunderland: Pantilimon, Vergini, O’Shea, Coates, Reveillere, Cattermole, Wickham, Rodwell, Larsson, Buckley, Fletcher.
Subs: Bridcutt, Brown, Cabral, Gomez, Altidore, Alvarez, Mannone.
Manchester City: Hart, Zabaleta, Demichelis, Boyata, Clichy, Fernandinho, Toure, Jesus Navas, Jovetic, Nasri, Aguero.
Subs: Sagna, Fernando, Milner, Caballero, Lampard, Pozo, Tasende.
Referee: Craig Pawson (South Yorkshire)
Updated
After Terrific Tuesday, Wonderful Wednesday has a lot to live up to. Last night’s Premier League action gifted us plenty of goals and incident at both the top and bottom of the league: many thanks for that to Manchester United, West Ham, Swansea, Liverpool and Aston Villa. There were also six matches going on, as opposed to this evening’s four. But worry not! Tonight’s fixtures feature the cream of the Premier League cream: the Big Three of Manchester City, Chelsea and Southampton! Also doing their turn tonight: popular early 1930s revivalists Arsenal and Everton, plus Sunderland and Hull City keeping it real from the lower reaches of the table. And Tottenham Hotspur, but I can’t get a pithy handle on them right now. Hey, being hard to pin down is what Tottenham Hotspur are all about, it’s part of their timeless charm. Anyway, this promises to be a cracker of an evening, with all eight teams desirous of taking a decisive leap up the table. Good luck and god speed, then, everyone! It’s very much on!
- Arsenal v Southampton (covered in depth on Jacob Steinberg’s MBM)
- Chelsea v Tottenham Hotspur
- Everton v Hull City
- Sunderland v Manchester City
All matches kick off at 7.45pm GMT.
Updated
