Right, I’m off. Thanks for all your emails and tweets. Enjoy this playful new year. And watch Birdman. Just do it. Now!
Well, that was an entertaining afternoon of games*. Just the 25 goals. The year 2015, a bit like a dog that is easily tricked, is looking like it could be a lot of fun. Match that lot Tottenham v Chelsea. You can follow that with John Ashdown here.
* Not including Aston Villa 0-0 Crystal Palace, of course.
Some positivity! “To try and counter the dissatisfaction from Liverpool and Arsenal fans, let me give you satisfaction. I adore this Southampton team, and especially the defence - raw, imperfect... sure, but beautiful, hard-working and inspirational. Just thought I should start the new year on a positive note,” cheers Michael Britten.
Full-time: Hull 2-0 Everton
This won’t go down well on the blue half of Merseyside. But Steve Bruce will be delighted. Delighted, I say.
Full-time: Newcastle 3-3 Burnley
John Carver overseas a Kevin Keegan-esque performance as Newcastle let a lead slip three times against Burnley, who were well worth their point.
Full-time: Man City 3-2 Sunderland
A dire first half. A bonkers second half. City keep the pressure up on Chelsea. Just.
Full-time: Liverpool 2-2 Leicester
Nugent and Schlupp’s brilliant second-half strikes earn Leicester a valuable point at Anfield.
Full-time: Southampton 2-0 Arsenal
It’s a bad day for Wenger on the south coast. But Saints pull clear of Arsenal in fourth.
Full-time: Aston Villa 0-0 Crystal Palace
Let’s move on.
Full-time: West Ham 1-1 West Brom
The Baggies show a bit of steel as Pulis waits in wings.
Full-time: QPR 1-1 Swansea
Ten-man Swansea earn a point.
“It’s 3.40am where i am, and my stream of the Villa match keeps cutting out. Blessed relief,” deadpans Niall Harden.
Goal! QPR 1-1 Swansea (Bony 90)
Substitute Wilfried Bony has proved his worth again. He looks to have nicked a point for the 10 men of Swansea.
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An Arsenal fan has just trotted on to the pitch to have a word with Wenger. Steve Bould tells the daft sod to do one. And he does. Hopefully Wenger is getting the coach home tonight.
Goal! Newcastle 3-3 Burnley (Boyd 86)
Sean Dyche’s Burnley have the battle fever on. George Boyd drills across Alnwick and they’re level. Again!
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Another red card! Alcáraz walks for Everton against Hull (85 mins).
Those former Wigan players are doing Everton proud today. How do you feel about that Gary Naylor?
Red card! Routledge sent off for Swansea.
So that’s not going to make it any easier for Garry Monk’s side to equalise against QPR.
A bit of Arsenal dissatisfaction …
@GreggBakowski Are Arsenal doing that on purpose? Did Sir Chesney not give his defenders good enough presents this Christmas?
— Richard J (@richardygk) January 1, 2015
Elsewhere, QPR still lead 1-0 against Swansea, West Ham are drawing 1-1 with West Brom but are very much ‘knocking on the door’ and Hull are still leading Everton 2-0 quite comfortably. Meanwhile at Villa Park … “I’’m watching this game, and I can confirm to Alistair that there is indeed no football being played at Villa Park. God,” sighs Paul Flint.
Goal! Newcastle 3-2 Burnley (Sissoko 79)
After almost taking the lead Burnley get caught on the counter-attack. Sissoko sidefoots through Heaton’s legs and John Carver can smile again. Poor Sean Dyche. Injuries meant he used all three subs very early on so it isn’t going to get any easier for his tiring players out there.
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In terms of dissatisfaction hitting my inbox, I’d say 60% of it is coming from Liverpool fans and 40% from Arsenal fans. “So Gerrard stays on the pitch … sigh. Risible. If we lose today we’ll deserve it. Steven Gerrard’s fast becoming the Alastair Cook of football. A once great player betrayed by his manager,” huffs and puffs Paul Ewart.
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I’m just going to take a deep breath. And exhale. Right, let’s carry on then. “It seems that there is no football being played at Villa Park” writes Alistair. It wouldn’t be the first time this season Alistair.
Goal! Man City 3-2 Sunderland (Lampard 73)
Frank Lampard has been on the pitch about three minutes so, of course, he’s already scored. Is 36 the new 27? He heads home powerfully from 10 yards. Well done Frank.
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Goal! Newcastle 2-2 Burnley (Ings 71)
Yes, every Ings is awesome. And 2-2 is a popular scoreline in 2015.
Goal! Man City 2-2 Sunderland (Johnson pen 71)
Adam Johnson slots home and this is all a bit daft. Will someone do some decent defending?
Goal! Man City 2-1 Sunderland (Rodwell 68)
What’s that? The former Man City collectible has equalised for Sunderland. And now a penalty to the away team. Blimey.
Goal! Man City 2-0 Sunderland (Jovetic 66)
That’s lovely from Jovetic. He dinks the ball over Pantimilion and City look in control now.
Simon Drought asks if I fancy going for a drink. Just a quick one … maybe if Leicester score a third Simon.
“So, Liverpool squander a two goal lead, yet again. Cue the manager inexplicably taking Adam Lallana off, despite 10 players performing worse than him,” sighs Paul Devlin.
@GreggBakowski Rodgers should have had the bottle to leave Gerrard out. #LFC were good against swans and should have kept same team.
— The Boss (@enigma_57) January 1, 2015
Goal! Liverpool 2-2 Leicester (Schlupp 60)
Then the Ghanaian Jeff Schlupp hits a fizzing, low shot from outside the box and it’s 2-2. Where were Liverpool’s midfielders closing him down? Hmmm.
The thing is, we’ve not had a shot on target from open play yet either…
— Danny Shepherd (@liverpooldeep) January 1, 2015
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Goal! Liverpool 2-1 Leicester (Nugent 58)
Leicester’s scouse striker scores a deserved goal for the Foxes. And what a goal. He pounces on a layoff and hits a scissor-kick with the outside of his right foot that curls past Mignolet into the bottom corner. That was wonderful. Oh and hello …
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Goal! Southampton 2-0 Arsenal (Tadic 56)
Oh dear! Did I say 2015 was proving a bad year for goalkeepers? Arsenal’s defence make a hash o trying to clear a low cross. Then Wojciech Szczęsny tries to help out and jabs a leg at the ball to send the ball straight to unmarked Dušan Tadić, who gobbles up the chance like a hungry friar.
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Goal! Manchester City 1-0 Sunderland (Touré 57)
Touré launches a new year rocket into the top left-hand corner of the net from 25 yards. Boom!
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Sanchéz should have equalised for Arsenal. He takes a touch after receiving a cross when he should hit it first time. Eventually he moves it on to his right foot but his shot his saved brilliantly by Forster.
I’m not sure that anything has happened at Villa Park. All afternoon. Mind you, Villa score a goal once every 160 minutes so perhaps that’s not so surprising.
What do you get if you cross Burnley with Lego the Movie?
@garynaylor999 @GreggBakowski Every Ings is awesome...
— Mark Worgan (@worgztheowl) January 1, 2015
“So Gregg, what do you think of Jordan Henderson’s reward for his best performance of the season in the team’s best performance of the season?” begins Paul Ewart. “Shunted out to the right to make way for the under-performing skipper. Again. Is there no end to Brendan Rodgers’ cravenness? It’s pitiful to behold. Our midfield has, of course, reverted to type again today after a rare bout of dynamism sans Gerrard. Ponderous, having sacrificed energy for field position/friendship/politics/good relations with your landlord (delete as appropriate). We’re lucky the ref’s a homer today. If I were a Leicester fan I’d be furious.” Paul Ewart’s not very happy. I agree that Henderson shouldn’t be playing as a wing-back, as much as he obviously has the energy for it. If he really wanted to bring back Gerrard surely Lucas could make way for Henderson in the middle with Manquillo and Moreno as the wing-backs.
Apparently there’s going to be some great comedy double-acts in 2015.
Listen to Kanye West's new single "Only One", a collaboration with Paul McCartney http://t.co/QXQe2tgq71 pic.twitter.com/aFEq2UL9v1
— Pitchfork (@pitchfork) January 1, 2015
Everton Athletic?
@GreggBakowski my beloved blues are playing 3-5-2 with Arouna Kone up front. Have we become Wigan? All we need is an annoying chairman...oh.
— Adam McCulloch (@adammcculloch23) January 1, 2015
“Wanyama is absolutely dominating midfield at Saints v Arsenal both in defence and attack.What a beast of a player with some skills to go with it. The two Cruyff turns in a row are well worth a watch,” writes Ben Wilkinson. When Wanyama does two Cruyff turns in a row, you know you’re in trouble. I’d be worried Arsenal fans.
It’s half-time around the grounds. You can see the scores above so I won’t bother my fingers by typing them all out again here. Steve Bruce will probably be the happiest manager in the Premier League in 2015 thus far. As for Arsenal, that experimental formation isn’t working out. Wenger needs to have a tinker at half-time. And having seen another replay of the first Liverpool penalty, they were very lucky. And Wes Morgan was very unlucky. It appeared to hit his head, not his arm.
Goal! Hull 2-0 Everton (Jelavic 43)
Uh oh! This isn’t going to go down well. Former Everton striker Jelavic gives Martínez a punch in the nether regions with a goal before half-time.
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Goal! West Ham 1-1 West Brom (Berahino 42)
It’s all square at Upton Park.
West Brom deserve that. Good counter, Sessegnon breaks away and sets up Berahino for a cool finish.
— Jacob Steinberg (@JacobSteinberg) January 1, 2015
Goal! Liverpool 2-0 Leicester (Gerrard pen 40)
Gerrard strokes it into the left corner this time. If there was a game for him to come in for, it was this one. Liverpool actually getting into the box makes such a difference. So many of their goals were scored from penalties last season because Suárez, Sturridge and Sterling were doing just that.
Another penalty to Liverpool!
Coutinho jinks his way into the Leicester penalty area and chips the ball up against Stimpson’s hand. He couldn’t get it out of the way but it’s still a penalty, as the ball would have gone through to Moreno behind him, who’d have been in on goal.
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Goal! Southampton 1-0 Arsenal (Mané 34)
The year 2015’s not looking like a good one for goalkeepers. There’s high farce in Arsenal’s defence as Wojciech Szczęsny comes galloping off his line towards the touchline to close down Mané. But he misjudges how far out he is and allows the Saints winger to simply curl the ball over him into the empty net. That was daft. Oof!
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Goal! Hull City 1-0 Everton (Elmohamady 33)
Steve Bruce really needed this goal. Elmohamady outjumps Baines on the back post and nods Hull in front.
Liverpool are pushing for a second goal at Anfield, Man City are struggling to get out of first gear at the Etihad, Southampton and Arsenal is as finely balanced as you’d expect a match to be between two sides on the same points and this sentence is getting so long that I need to stop it here. “Ginger Pirlo...? I thought that was Paul Scholes,” asks Daniel Beeler. Not according to Roy Hodgson, Daniel.
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“You know Steven Taylor’s from London right?” writes Dave Carr, the big pedant. “Don’t judge all us Geordies by our giant heads.” Hang on, he lived there for two weeks! Two weeks!
Goal! Newcastle 2-1 Burnley (Colback 26)
Yes, it’s the Ginger Pirlo. He’s sent a low, sweet strike fizzing past Heaton in the Burnley goal to put the home side in front again. That’s all three goals scored by Geordies. I imagine John Carver’s enjoying this.
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A joke! “Three false nines at arsenal? Surely the slang term has to be a ‘hoax call’?” Email in if you want to hire Chris Bann. He’s here all week apparently.
It’s 2015, but Gary Naylor is still just as prevalent at popping up in MBMS …
@GreggBakowski Watched The Lego Movie earlier. Seems to have inspired some managers today in terms of manic changes in formations.
— Gary Naylor (@garynaylor999) January 1, 2015
Goal! QPR 1-0 Swansea (Fer 20)
Leroy Fer drills home for QPR, who are quite good at Loftus Road.
Goal! Newcastle 1-1 Burnley (Dummett OG 19)
Oh dear! Jack Alnwick races off his line. No one knows why. Dummett definitely doesn’t know why as he tries to cushion a header back to his errant No1 but sends the ball over him and into the empty net. That’s wiped that smile off John Carver’s face in very little time.
Goal! Liverpool 1-0 Leicester (Gerrard pen 17)
Calm as you like, Liverpool’s captain strokes home the penalty. On second look, it did seem to hit Morgan’s arm. Probably just about a penalty. Morgan’s not had a good time against Liverpool. Po’ Wes. He was sent off against them a few weeks ago.
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Penalty to Liverpool!
Wes Morgan stretches to block a Raheem Sterling cross. It looks like it either hits his arm or his face. Not clear.
Goal! Newcastle 1-0 Burnley (Taylor 15)
Steven Taylor has got his big Geordie head on to a cross whipped into the box to put a big smile on John Carver’s face.
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“NBC are trying something new – a simulcast of all the 3PM kick-offs. It’s very confusing. Is this how you spend your football days?” asks Stuart Graves. Yes, it is. It makes your brain throb. Throw in about 10 different audio tracks and you’re getting close. Thankfully, I didn’t pickle my brain in alcohol last night.
Goal! West Ham 1-0 West Brom (Sakho 10)
Sakho has nodded home for the Hammers. His eighth of the season. Here’s Jacob Steinberg to tell you how it happened …
Lovely ball through to Cresswell from Amalfitano, cross into the six-yard box, header from Sakho. Excellent goal.
— Jacob Steinberg (@JacobSteinberg) January 1, 2015
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The joyous half of of Dundee writes …
“Afternoon Gregg, and Happy New Year! Just back from Tannadice. Utter joy here. 6-2. 6 bloody 2!!! What a start to 2015. Beautiful Thursday!” whoops Simon McMahon, who may well be getting his Tin on this afternoon.
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So Chambers is in midfield for Arsenal, who have started off brightly against Southampton …
Ex-Saint Calum Chambers playing in centre of midfield for Arsenal. Played that position at youth level for quite some time. #saintsfc
— Gordon Simpson (@gordonsimpson) January 1, 2015
Oh, and now Kolo Touré appears to have knacked his left knee for Liverpool. Dejan Lovren is warming up. Uh oh!
“Forget Mario,” harrumphs Graeme Neill. “If Rodgers’s Liverpool is a meritocracy, why has Gerrard come in after the team’s best performance of the season?”
Leicester have hit the post at Anfield after 1 minute! Riyad Mahrez shaped to play a cross into the box and whipped a shot at goal that caught Simon Mignolet off guard. It was a bit like this but it hit the post instead.
Peep!
And we’re under way. It’s football, 2015-style!
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What’s going on with Mario?
“Does anyone know why Balotelli’s been cut from the Liverpool’s matchday squad? Rodgers told him to get used to the bench, but not the ones in the stands, surely?!” writes Ash Khan. I’m guessing Brendan Rodgers knows Ash. He’s not injured. He just slows Liverpool down when he’s on the pitch.
An email!
“A head-scratching line-up from Arsène Wenger”, head-scratches Charles Antaki. “Either five across the back, or Debuchy as a right-winger ahead of Chambers at right back, and, up front, Cazorla, Rosicky and Sánchez all playing as false nines? Entertainment guaranteed.” Three false nines? There’s probably a tactical term for that. A triangulated inverted spike?
The mood in Dundee will be a mixture of utter joy and soul-crushing despair this afternoon after Dundee United beat Dundee 6-2.
Full-time at the Britannia Stadium
Stoke City 1-1 Manchester United
Hull need a bit of bite. Perhaps this chap will help …
Hull City dog (pic @GettySport) pic.twitter.com/aXjVLlAYEB
— James Dart (@James_Dart) January 1, 2015
And Steven Gerrard is back for Liverpool, of course, who are without Martin Skrtel, who is suspended. Touré is in for him. Nigel Pearson has left out Cambiasso, Ulloa and Nugent.
Liverpool v Leicester
Liverpool: Mignolet, Can, Toure, Sakho, Henderson, Gerrard, Lucas, Moreno, Coutinho, Sterling, Lallana. Subs: Lovren, Lambert, Manquillo, Borini, Markovic, Ward, Ojo.
Leicester: Hamer, Simpson, Wasilewski, Morgan, Schlupp, De Laet, James, Drinkwater, Hammond, Mahrez, Vardy. Subs: Lawrence, Moore, Cambiasso, Ulloa, Knockaert, Smith, Nugent.
Referee: Mike Jones (Cheshire)
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Bony on the bench for Swansea! Cue more transfer speculation …
QPR v Swansea
QPR: Green, Isla, Dunne, Caulker, Hill, Vargas, Barton, Henry, Fer, Austin, Zamora. Subs: Traore, Ferdinand, Phillips, McCarthy, Onuoha, Mutch, Hoilett.
Swansea: Fabianski, Rangel, Fernandez, Williams, Taylor, Britton, Ki, Dyer, Sigurdsson, Routledge, Gomis. Subs: Bony, Emnes, Carroll, Tremmel, Bartley, Richards, Barrow.
Referee: Anthony Taylor (Cheshire)
Aston Villa v Crystal Palace
We’ve done a predictions game in the office and no one had a clue about how this one would work out. Does the new-manager effect work when the new manager is still to ink the contract? Can Villa score more than one goal? In the end I stuck 1-1 down on the sheet. I don’t know why.
Aston Villa: Guzan, Hutton, Vlaar, Okore, Cissokho, Cleverley, Sanchez, Bacuna, Agbonlahor, Benteke, Weimann. Subs: Clark, Cole, N’Zogbia, Given, Lowton, Robinson, Grealish.
Crystal Palace: Speroni, Mariappa, Dann, Delaney, Ward, McArthur, Kelly, Ledley, Puncheon, Zaha, Bolasie. Subs: Hangeland, Doyle, Campbell, Hennessey, Thomas, Gayle, Bannan.
Referee: Robert Madley (West Yorkshire)
Is that Newcastle playing two up top? Blimey.
Newcastle v Burnley
Newcastle: Alnwick, Janmaat, Steven Taylor, Coloccini, Dummett, Sissoko, Colback, Tiote, Gouffran, Riviere, Perez. Subs: Santon, Williamson, Anita, Haidara, Armstrong, Woodman, Cabella.
Burnley: Heaton, Trippier, Keane, Shackell, Mee, Boyd, Jones, Marney, Arfield, Ings, Barnes. Subs: Wallace, Kightly, Sordell, Reid, Jutkiewicz, Gilks, Long.
Referee: Mike Dean (Wirral)
Stoke are having a right good go at Manchester United, who perhaps should have conceded a penalty when Smalling blocked a Crouch header with an outstretched arm. Crouch is having one of those games when his body appears to be covering the whole attacking third of the pitch. Join John Ashdown for the final 15 minutes here.
West Ham v West Brom team news, courtesy of Jacob Steinberg at Upton Park.
Happy new year from Upton Park pic.twitter.com/Mz8VLOfNGT
— Jacob Steinberg (@JacobSteinberg) January 1, 2015
Joe Hart is on the bench for City!
Man City v Sunderland
Man City: Caballero, Zabaleta, Demichelis, Mangala, Clichy, Touré, Fernandinho, Jesus Navas, Silva, Nasri, Jovetic. Subs: Sagna, Milner, Kolarov, Sinclair, Lampard, Boyata, Hart.
Sunderland: Pantilimon, Vergini, O’Shea, Brown, Jones, Rodwell, Buckley, Larsson, Gomez, Johnson, Wickham. Subs: Fletcher, Cabral, Altidore, Alvarez, Coates, Giaccherini, Mannone.
Referee: Chris Foy (Merseyside)
Southampton v Arsenal
Southampton: Forster, Gardos, Alderweireld, Fonte, Bertrand, Ward-Prowse, Wanyama, Tadic, Mane, Steven Davis, Pelle. Subs: Kelvin Davis, Yoshida, Long, Isgrove, Reed, McCarthy, Targett.
Arsenal: Szczesny, Debuchy, Mertesacker, Koscielny, Gibbs, Chambers, Coquelin, Oxlade-Chamberlain, Cazorla, Rosicky, Sanchez. Subs: Walcott, Martinez, Campbell, Akpom, Bellerin, Maitland-Niles, Monreal.
Referee: Craig Pawson (South Yorkshire)
Welbeck has a thigh-injury, so that’s why he misses out for Arsenal, who will move into fourth place if they win.
Red-hot team news!
Hull v Everton
Hull: McGregor, Elmohamady, Chester, Bruce, Davies, Robertson, Meyler, Livermore, Ramirez, Hernandez, Jelavic. Subs: Rosenior, Brady, Maguire, Sagbo, Harper, Ince, Aluko.
Everton: Robles, Coleman, Alcaraz, Jagielka, Baines, Besic, Barry, Mirallas, Barkley, Naismith, Kone. Subs: Eto’o, McGeady, Oviedo, Lukaku, Distin, Atsu, Griffiths.
Referee: Kevin Friend (Leicestershire)
How’s 2015 looking so far? Painful? Brilliant? Dreadful? Tedious? Wonderful? All of the above?
Or perhaps, a bit like me, you don’t feel any different …
Maybe football is the reason for that. It doesn’t stop. Just look at all that football up there …
There’s loads of it. It’s currently Stoke 1-1 Man Utd with the second half just under way. John Ashdown is covering that one.
With Chelsea playing at 5.30pm Manchester City can briefly go top if they give Sunderland a good hiding. My colleague Conrad Leach is covering that one separately so you can look in on the action with him here.
There’s a tasty fourth v fifth ding-dong at St Mary’s as Southampton and Arsenal meet. Saints were hard done by when they lost 1-0 at the Emirates early in December – a result which put Arsène Wenger on the way to being able to roam freely around train stations again without being abused by various numpties.
Liverpool are looking for three in a row when Leicester visit Anfield. And that’s a rejuvenated Leicester. They won a game last time out. Yes, really.
Elsewhere John Carver will be minding shop at Newcastle while Mike Ashley looks for a manager who will put up with him as chairman. Burnley are in town today.
And as for Alan Pardew, he’s still thrashing out the finer details of his contract at Crystal Palace. So, for the 999th time, Keith Millen is looking after the side today away at Aston Villa. It’s got 1-1 written all over it.
It’s the West derby today too. It’s Ham v Brom at Upton Park. If the Baggies try to impress their incoming manager, Tony Pulis, then that could be one ugly game.
Anyway, that’s enough football for now. I’ll have the team news shortly.
Oh, and here’s a thing you should do in 2015: watch Birdman. It’s brilliant. And bonkers. You’ll be free jazz-drumming in your dreams.
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