In recent weeks PostScript has studiously avoided reference to the upcoming Great Event on March 24, concentrating instead on more pressing issues like the delights of eating insects, men wearing earrings, and tattoos in unusual places.
However, you just cannot escape the election with all those posters dangling from lampposts and what's left of Bangkok's trees, featuring earnest faces of politicians prepared to make huge sacrifices to improve life for the masses. Most have facial expressions suggesting they have just experienced some personal spiritual enlightenment which they will happily pass onto the public … if you vote for them.
Admittedly in one of the posters, a candidate has a slightly pained expression as if he has just remembered that he left the kettle on at home. There are also plenty of cheesy grins on display as befits the Land of Smiles.
Policies seem a bit thin on the ground, but there are plenty of promises. We will soon be witnessing entertaining scenes of overweight politicians visiting the provinces, squeezing into mor hom shirts and donning pakoma in an effort to show they are truly men of the soil and not city slickers. Once they get elected, it's back to the grim reality of business suits, Benzes, brandy and, heaven forbid, broken promises.
The electorate might perhaps note the words of American financier Bernard Baruch, who observed: "Vote for the man who promises least -- he will be the least disappointing."
Below the belt
Attempts to lure voters broke new grounds in the 2007 election. In a bid to attract the mature male vote one party allegedly distributed Viagra tablets to constituents who looked as if they could do with a bit of help in that area. It was noted that village elders seemed to be taking more interest in the election than on previous occasions.
For some reason, the people in the Northeast seem to get the most bizarre promises at election time. The citizens of Roi Et are still waiting for the railway line they were promised by a leading politician back in 1976. The nearest they got to a train was one in the local toy shop.
In the 1992 election, a candidate tried to win votes by giving away free coffins to the electorate. A thoughtful touch perhaps, but some recipients were not that enthused by the candidate's gesture. He wasn't elected.
Also failing to get elected in 2007 were three Nakhon Ratchasima ladies standing for the curiously named Rich Thais Party. They had an equally curious party manifesto. They admitted that if elected they would not have the slightest clue what to do. Alarmingly, some people still voted for them.
Every vote is precious, which may explain why, in the last election, one high profile candidate spent considerable time chatting to the stars of a transgender cabaret show. You never know, the ladyboy vote could prove decisive.
Nothing to trumpet about
At the registration of candidates some weeks ago, one fellow arrived aboard a horse that looked so pitifully thin you feared its next destination would be the knacker's yard.
Showing a little more ambition at an election some years ago, three prospective MPs arrived at the Phetchabun registration centre aboard an elephant. Not a good idea. As they approached, all three fell off the elephant, collecting many bruises and suffering dented pride.
A candidate in Songkhla had the opposite problem -- he couldn't get off the elephant he was perched on for a publicity stunt. Suffering from vertigo, he froze aboard the pachyderm and couldn't get down. A mahout had to rescue the fellow who looked absolutely terrified as he was lifted down to terra firma.
It is probably just as well that kangaroos and giraffes are not indigenous to the Kingdom. If candidates insist on using animals, they might be advised to stick to the buffalo. At least it's not so far down if they fall off.
Democracy or bust
One of my favourite tales comes from the 1992 election. An "erotic actress" was enlisted by the government to help promote the poll. The well-endowed starlet took to her new role with commendable enthusiasm and wherever she went succeeded in attracting large crowds of primarily male voters eager to learn about democracy.
But after a month of vigorous campaigning she abruptly stopped. Apparently the workload had been so stressful that her breasts had starting shrinking. Her main concern was that she would not be able to get any more dramatic roles on the big screen. Election officials were stumped. They could handle the normal problems of money dumping and people shooting one another, but a shrinking bosom struck at the very heart of democracy.
The actress did go on to make more films, but didn't have quite the same impact. And no, she didn't become a politician.
Royal pardon
I was never great at history, particularly concerning British royalty, which readers discovered from last week's item about Queen Anne, who I cleverly called Queen Mary. My apologies for that silly error. Olivia Colman, who was brilliant as Anne in The Favourite, also happens to be playing Queen Elizabeth II in the third season of the The Crown. Maybe, she will eventually get round to playing Queen Mary. I'm sure she would do a good job.
Contact Postscript via email at oldcrutch@gmail.com
