CHILE PEPPERED
It’s a tough gig, being Alexis Sánchez. Kennels fees in north London are predictably steep – with location comes a premium – but how else can Atom and Humber get their heads down when dad’s off gallivanting around South America? He’s got enough on his plate, has Alexis, without fretting about the welfare of his two most loyal lieutenants and it seems a certain amount of pressure has accumulated during the last 10 days spent apart.
As is the modern way, he “took to” social media disgrace Instachat to air his concerns, weeping: “You get tired for being criticised with or without reason, you get tired of wanting to be defeated, you get tired of saying to yourself ‘once more I’ll get up’ after crying after a defeat, and you get tired of telling the world and people who are with you, that everything is going well.” Just share it with them, Alexis, they’re man’s best friend after all and it has been the kind of fortnight to test the boldest of spirits.
Not to mention the most loosely-strung of patience. Sánchez, of course, had been cornered into an end-of-transfer window waiting game before Chile’s first qualifier of the week, which they surprisingly lost 3-0 at home to Paraguay within mere hours of Arsenal finally putting a stop to the most predictable saga of the summer. On its own a suggestion of cause and effect has limited use; when added to Riyad Mahrez’s ultimately pointless disappearing act from Algeria and their subsequent capitulation in Zambia then even the Fiver can be excused for wondering whether the circus around the August deadline has done anything beyond creating an unholy bottleneck that damages players and, in these instances, their national teams.
Tell it to the dogs. Now that this shiny Premier League of ours is back, and the inconvenience of heartwarming tales from otherwise ignored areas of the football landscape can be safely dispensed with, it’s back to brass tacks for Alexis and if sympathy was scarce in Santiago it is unlikely to be laid on thick at a potentially mutinous Emirates Stadium, either. Post-defeat tears are unlikely to become a thing of the past; any disappointment he felt across the Atlantic will pale into nothing next time Granit Xhaka fails to track a runner or Héctor Bellerín is caught humming that Jeremy Corbyn tune.
This, as we are constantly reminded, is a time for high seriousness. It just seems a shame that football’s market forces, and the ludicrous timing of the window, have helped reduce more than one celebratory return home to a destructive cut-and-run dash. Criticised in Chile and seemingly discontented with his place in the world at Arsenal, Sánchez finds himself at risk of being cut loose in a way no player of his talent and dedication should be. Now, did he stock up on Pedigree before that big trip away?
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“West Ham supporters call Mr David Sullivan and his brother, the D1ldo Brothers” – Sporting president Bruno de Carvalho steps into the row over William Carvalho’s failed transfer to Taxpayers FC.
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FIVER LETTERS
“Re. Wee Gordon’s comment (yesterday’s Fiver): ‘When you get to the stage when your fate is in your own hands in a tournament that’s all you can ask.’ Get to the stage? Surely that stage is at the beginning of the tournament” – Mark Cherkas.
“JFK being shot from behind a grassy knoll (yesterday’s Fiver). I think the famous bullet had enough work to do, without going up and over said knoll before descending to impact. Or perhaps it was some form of knuckle-bullet à la His free kicks, in which case the previous 1,057 conspiracy theories have a new addition” – Neale Redington.
“Watching the Under-21 match at Dean Court, apropos of nothing my daughter, aged 10, came out with the phrase “Weird Uncle Latvia”. Is this the first case of absorbing the Fiver Style Guide by osmosis? Keep up the mediocre work” – Jon Roach.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our letter of the day prize – a copy of the very good The Title: The Story of the First Division, written by Big Website’s very own Scott Murray is … Mark Cherkas. Send us your address and we’ll send you a book. We’ve got more copies to giveaway this week, so get scribbling.
BITS AND BOBS
La Liga chief suit Javier Tebas has continued to get his pique on about PSG’s signing of Neymar, but this time by channelling a leisure centre lifeguard. “We’ve caught them peeing in the swimming pool. Neymar peed from the diving board. We can’t accept this” he peep, peeped.
The FA reckons DigitAlli was not directing a one-finger salute at the referee during England’s World Cup qualifier against Slovakia, and what’s more it says it has a video replay to prove it.
Former Newcastle and Liverpool defender José Enrique has retired from football after persistent knee-knack, baffling observers who assumed Brendan Rodgers had done the job for him in 2015. “Sometimes I got dizzy in training, I was on so much medication,” yelped Enrique.
Idrottsföreningen Brommapojkarna’s Sweden Under-19s striker Viktor Gyokeres will, to the relief of the Big Website subs desk, now be known as Brighton’s Viktor Gyokeres.
In a move that feels strangely familiar to The Fiver, Leicester City are furiously attempting to cope with the consequences of reportedly missing a deadline. The club are attempting to overturn Fifa’s decision not to register midfielder Adrien Silva after Leicester apparently filed the necessary paperwork 14 seconds late.
THE RECAP
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STILL WANT MORE?
Shola Ameobi gets his chat on with David Hytner about his 14 years at Newcastle United, a new challenge at Notts County and why he heads home to train academy kids on his day off.
Joe Hart is lucky to still be England’s No1, David Silva may be Spain’s best-ever player, and eight more talking points from the long, long international break.
Henrik Larsson and son, players starting the season with five bookings and the world’s sweatiest footballer, all in this week’s Knowledge.
Ousmane Dembélé is the world’s second most expensive footballer (for now) and is about to meet the president of Mauritania and live alone for the first time. Ed Aarons has more on the summer’s surprise mega-money signing.
Three league defeats out of three, winnable weekend fixtures and murmurs from the board will have ruined the international break for Palace’s Frank de Boer and Taxpayers FC’s Slaven Bilic, says Paul Wilson.
Will Manchester City finally bag Alexis Sánchez at a January discount price of £20m? It’s September, but the Rumour Mill never stops.
And Paul MacInnes hails the man, the legend and the sheepskin as John Motson prepares to hang up the mic.
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