CHINESE BURN
The concept of the pre-season tournament, held in more exotic climes, is not a new one. Back in 1960, new league champions Burnley jumped on a cruise liner and headed across the briny to the USA! USA!! USA!!! Upon arriving, they decided their Brooklyn hotel wasn’t up to standard, and that their dinner of boiled chicken and mashed spuds tasted like muck. They walked out, forcing the organisers of the International Soccer League they’d agreed to play in to find an acceptably swish Manhattan pad quicksmart. Then chairman Bob Lord took umbrage at the brevity of a photoshoot with the mayor of NYC, and complained at the quality of a china vase they’d been presented with as a gift. Finally manager Harry Potts responded to defeat by Kilmarnock with a poetic tirade at the ref, one that earned him a £10 fine and an order to eff off home to our dreary little island and never come back.
It’s fair to say that Manchester City haven’t been as truculent as that during their current visit to China. They’ve shaken hands, signed autographs, and posed for selfies with disingenuous fixed grins across their bored faces like the best of them. They’ve done their bit. And yet it wasn’t enough for some irate hack from Chinese state news agency Xinhua, who accused City of a “lack of enthusiasm”, “indifferent treatment” and “utter disrespect” in contrast to fellow forelock-tugging Premier League Asia Trophy competitors Wolves, West Ham and Newcastle. A PR disaster for City, because finding yourself ranked below an organisation run by Mike Ashley is never a good look. And this is the best press Ashley has received for years and years, since that time it was claimed he threw up in a pub fireplace. (It’s all relative. He doesn’t get much good press.)
But City are fighting back. Pep Guardiola – accused by Xinhua of blanking fans “without breaking stride and with eyes fixed on the empty space ahead of him, shielded by his two heavies” – today strenuously denied the allegations. “I should say I don’t agree and also that it’s false. I can’t understand what people are saying – maybe one journalist is a bit upset, I don’t know why. But it’s far away from the reality. We had an incredible time in Shanghai. We were committed to the cooperation you have to do.” City will hope his statement puts an end to this unfortunate row, and that the historical comparison with Burnley 1960 ends here. Because a few months later, Clarets boss Potts found himself being manhandled off the pitch by gendarmes and pelted with stones during a Big Cup tie in Reims, after squabbling with opposition players over the positioning of a free-kick. All very unbecoming. Although given City’s ambivalent relationship with Europe, their fans may quite enjoy witnessing something similar to that.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“They need a holiday. It’s not like after three days you can say to them ‘Hey! Come on! Let’s start running again!’ They have had a tough summer programme. It’s football. It’s not riding a bike. It looks like nobody can imagine a week without football in the year. When did that happen?” – Jürgen Klopp has clearly never heard of The Fiver’’s STOP FOOTBALL campaign.
RECOMMENDED VIEWING
Here’s your man David Squires on … new football kits, betting and b@ntz.
FIVER LETTERS
“C’mon Newcastle fans, so you lost your best hope of staying up, now nestling in China. It’s not your like country is going to be led by … oh” – Paul Benveniste (who lives in the USA! USA!! USA!!!).
“Well – who’s going to tell Dave Lloyd? Or shall we just keep it amongst the 1,057?” – Steve Allen.
“As the progenitor of this HHAGTFABM nonsense, to the guy in Montreal I say this: if you understand the Big Man bit, the rest should naturally follow. I mean, it is practically the only thing said about big men in football” – Grant McPhee.
“In response to Seth King’s request for more references to Yes, here’s a well-known review of their first disc that still stands today as perhaps the finest of its ilk: Yes by Yes. ‘No.’ If only Arsenal could be so direct” – Justin Kavanagh.
“I presume that I am not the only person reading today’s Fiver about Gareth Bale who immediately had to check to see if 12 18-hole golf courses does actually equal 216 holes? The amazing fact that Fiver has done basic arithmetic properly has left me stunned and in need of a lie down (possibly with a good book, or other football-related prize?)” – Stuart McLagan.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day prize is … Stuart McLagan (sorry, we ran out of books).
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Cristiano Ronaldo will not face charges over the alleged sexual assault of Kathryn Mayorga in Las Vegas hotel in 2009, prosecutors have announced.
If Gareth Bale is leaving Real Madrid, it will be not be via a loan, according to his Mr 15%. “There will be no makeshift deals to get him out of the club,” growled Jonathan Barnett.
Now that Nicky Butt has been plonked into Manchester United’s newly created role of head of first-team development, the club is wholly relaxed about the lack of a technical director, despite it being almost a year since the search began.
United have dropped down the Forbes list of the world’s most valuable sports clubs, from second to sixth, behind third and fourth-placed Barcelona and Real Madrid. Ed Woodward might take comfort in the Dallas Cowboys topping the list despite having not won anything since 1995.
Joelinton, Joelinton, Joelinton: Bruce is begging of you, please - pass that medical. Should he do so, Hoffenheim’s Brazilian striker is set to become Newcastle’s most expensive signing.
And Bruce’s emotional return to the land of Lindisfarne and bottles of “Dog” has hit a potential snag, with Sheffield Wednesday reporting Newcastle to the Premier League.
STILL WANT MORE?
“Listen, I’m not anti-tattoo, I just don’t understand it” – Sean Dyche chews the fat with celebrity Burnley fan Alastair Campbell.
Fulham’s chaotic recruitment policy has been replaced by sensible planning, headed by Scott Parker, says Dominic Fifield.
The New Saints and Connah’s Quay Nomads are breaking new ground after stirring Big Cup and Big Vase triumphs, writes Michael Butler.
“I had to see many of my friends die in the street.” Libyan defender Mohamed El-Munir tells Joseph D’Hippolito of his journey to Los Angeles FC.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
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