1. David Gandy matching his pocket handkerchief to his tie to his socks
LCM’s omnipresent ambassador doesn’t do casual.
2. Men in blouses
Specifically blouses by Gucci – either see-through lace or pussybow. Also, men in leather jackets and skirts, channelling Jaden Smith in the Louis Vuitton ads.
3. A fashion critic wiping away a single tear after Craig Green’s show
British menswear’s wunderkid presents his collection on Friday at 5pm. His shows have been known to make grown men weep.
4. Teenage girls sobbing...
... while fashion editors roll their eyes at the fuss – bequiffed Instagram heartthrob Lucky Blue Smith is in town so expect road blocks.
5. The whispered words: ‘Moritz Stamm’
A reference to Channel 4’s Deutschland 83, which has eclipsed London Spy to become the TV show to reference in menswear right now.
Photograph: Laura Deschner/PR
6. Some muttering about heritage and authenticity
Craftmanship and technical capability – not beauty – have long been the buzzwords in men’s fashion. So were your moose-skin boots fashioned by artisans in the Canadian wilderness? Can your Moncler jacket withstand an actual avalanche? If not, why on earth are you wearing it?
7. The name: ‘Gosha’
As in Gosha Rubchinskiy, the Russian menswear designer on everyone’s lips. He shows in Paris, not London, but the influence of his austere 1980s-style sportswear is everywhere.
8. Zip-up tracksuit tops
Having a moment.
9. Men in waistcoats and watch chains who look as if they iron their socks
The Thomas Crown Affair look is always in effect at LCM, whatever else is in fashion.
10. Lewis Hamilton wearing something experimental
A witty hat, perhaps, or an ironic floral shirt, as the F1 champion’s casual fashion makeover continues.
11. Tinie Tempah’s naked ankles
Or mankles, if you will.
12. Straight people trying to talk authoritatively about Grindr
In the most leftfield catwalk live stream situation we’ve ever heard about, JW Anderson is broadcasting his show, on Sunday, via Grindr.
13. Anxious conversations about mince pies
And what you won’t see: LCM-ers imbibing carbs so soon after Christmas.
14. People eating popcorn, sadly ...
... while complaining that there is no other food available. Because there are always bags of popcorn at LCM – on the seats, handed out in the street, claiming to be wasabi- and coconut-flavoured but inevitably tasting of dust. Wait. Is popcorn a carb?
