In so many ways, on so many levels, it’s been an incredibly strange year. The last few days alone - new mutant virus strain, Christmas cancelled - have been like a dystopian sci-fi movie.
One of the vigintillion (squared) surprising things that have happened is that it’s brought some new people into our lives: the faces of this pandemic.
So let’s take a moment now, while things have never felt bleaker, to pay tribute to the Coronavirus Class of 2020. A group of people many of us had never heard of, or just didn’t care about, this time last year, who we now think of on a daily basis...
Professor Devi Sridhar
Of all the batsh** crazy things that have happened in the last nine months, me fangirling a Professor of Public Health from Edinburgh University has to be right up there. That’s where I find myself though.
After predicting the pandemic over two years ago, and being mostly ignored, Devi was eventually snapped up by Nicola Sturgeon to advise on Covid-19 measures.
Consistently clear, sensible and honest, Devi became a regular contributor to TV news programmes, including Question Time.
The picture on the wall behind her as she Zoomed in – which changed from Superman to Snoopy, among other things – became a massive talking point on Twitter, as did the fact most media outlets who quoted her findings and observations described her as a he.
As beautiful as she is clever and wise, Devi will undoubtedly be snapped up for next year’s I’m A Celebrity before starting a relationship with Joey Essex.
Jonathan Van-Tam
A much-needed injection of charisma into the Government's press conferences, JVT’s straight talking was a welcome relief from the waffling men in suits next to him.
Also known as Mr Metaphor, he’s put his pandemic point across using analogies about trains, penalties, hosepipes, planes and yogurt. He wasn’t afraid to let it be known when he disagreed with Boris, which was always enjoyable, and was one of the only government-affiliated bods who said the right thing, rather than toeing the appalling party line on Cummings-gate.
However, it was when he famously advised the public “not to tear the pants out of” the easing of lockdown back in May that he truly sealed his nation’s sweetheart status once and for all. JVT is the deputy chief medical officer you’d most want to have a beer with.
Hopefully, the knowledge that his obituary will definitely now include the word “pants” will be something he owns, proudly.
Chris Whitty and Patrick Vallance
Hailed by some (idiots) as Doom and Gloom because they told the truth about the virus rather than pretending it would be all over in 12 weeks, their presence at the podiums was always reassuring. Mostly because it reminded us that there were sensible people involved in the Government’s handling of the crisis, not just fools shaking hands with contagious people and babbling about sombreros.
They became so famous they embarked on a brief solo project – double act press conferences without the baggage that was Johnson – and Chris Whitty developed a catchphrase, altogether now: “Next slide, please.”
Once enough of us have been vaccinated, Whitty and Vallance will have spare time on their hands. Maybe they’ll do a reality show where they live together, in the style of Men Behaving Badly, except they’re very responsible. We can but dream.
Dominic Cummings
Every drama needs a villain – and Dastardly Dominic was more than willing to fill the role. The unhirsute hypocrite goes down in history for breaking the rules he himself set, risking the health and lives of the very people he was supposed to be helping to protect.
Our Prime Minister was effectively ruled by this man, who made the decision to go with an excuse about driving to test his eyesight rather than apologising.
Let’s also never forget all the weasly cabinet ministers who backed him up, including Michael Gove, who insisted he had driven to test his own eyesight in the past too.
That Cummings was only sent packing when he upset Boris’ current girlfriend, rather than when he betrayed the entire country, was an all-too-perfect ending to the farce.
Obviously we would have preferred to see Cummings dragged from the building by security, sobbing, rather than striding out of the front door in the manner of an oblivious Big Brother evictee, but if this year’s taught us anything it’s to take what you can get.
See ya, tw*tface.
Marcus Rashford
The anti-Cummings goodness radiates from his every pore. Marcus shamed the Government into doing what was very obviously the right thing when it came to free school meals, and inspired the nation to think about and find ways to help those less fortunate.
At a time when public morale was at an all-time low, he reminded us that there are incredible, decent people in the world. He’s also, apparently, some kind of sportsman.
Piers Morgan
Ugh. One of the most unpleasant side effects of the pandemic has been the extremely uncomfortable sensation of agreeing with Piers Morgan. And not even just once – repeatedly, throughout.
The man most of us would have crossed a corona-infected continent to avoid pre-crisis became the country’s most unlikely hero. He called for a lockdown when we so clearly needed one but nothing was being done, twice.
He spoke up for NHS workers, on everything from PPE to car parking charges.
And he was an – almost lone – voice away from the Mirror holding the Government to account for their shameful catalogue of failure, even when they refused to speak to him for 201 days.
When ministers did finally appear on Good Morning Britain, he came the closest anyone has to getting them to actually answer questions, and even when they didn’t – which was most of the time – boy was it satisfying watching them squirm.
Also made Matt Hancock cry – well, faux cry, anyway – in other words, knighthood surely in the post.
