They say everyone’s fighting a battle you know nothing about, so it’s best to be kind across the board. That’s nice, isn’t it. In theory.
In reality, life doesn’t quite work like that. Everything moves so fast, and you either forget to be compassionate, or never cared in the first place because you are just the worst (see last Thursday).
So it appears people need a bit of prompting.
In Japan, women have started wearing Period Badges at that magical time of the month to “encourage bonding and sympathy”.
This is an excellent idea, and should definitely be the start of something bigger.
There are many more human conditions that it would be better if everyone you came into contact with instantly knew about...
The Hungover Badge
Be gentle. Speak quietly. No sudden movements.
Do not be alarmed if I start crying while you’re talking to me because it’s all too much, or suddenly look horrified because I’ve remembered something I think I said or did last night that was hilarious at the time but is very much less so now.
Also, if you have any carbs on you, please give them to me immediately if not sooner.
The I’m Planning My Wedding Badge
So now you know not to ask me about it, or mention anything even vaguely to do with it, or that could be segued into it. If you do, it won’t be good for either of us.
You’ll get a sore neck from politely nodding as I relay fascinating details about table plans and party favours. I’ll have a panic attack as I realise I haven’t finished the table plan and don’t know what party favours are.
The Just Dumped Badge
Handle with care. Do not look happy anywhere near me. Do not even think about holding hands with your partner in my vicinity or saying/doing/recounting anything coupley at all for the foreseeable future. Shut up about fish and seas. Provide tissues.
The Just Having One Of Those Days Badge
Don’t you dare tell me to cheer up, because it already has happened.
The My Kids Have Nits Badge
So you can say that it’s a well known fact they only like hair that is too clean, actually, as you back as far away as possible, as quickly as possible.
The I Hate My Outfit Badge
Some days, wardrobe magic happens. Others, despite your best efforts, it doesn’t and you don’t know why. All day you feel wrong, plus obviously you’re worrying you have lost your look for good. The last thing you need is someone commenting on this, or – far worse – telling you you look nice – aka the pity compliment.
The Toxic Badge
I ate something for dinner last night that means terrible smells are regularly emitting from my body. For your own safety, stand back – unless you are a dog owner, as I do need someone to blame it on.
The We Are In The Middle Of A Massive Argument Badge
In an ideal world, when you’re having a disagreement with your partner, you remain in the privacy of your own home and
scream at each other
discuss it until the matter is resolved. But this is not an ideal world (see last Thursday) so sometimes you have to venture outside, mid-row, and interact with other people.
Most of them will immediately pick up on the icy tension and simmering resentment between you.
For everyone else, this badge.
