“It’s they body-stealers! They robbed me of my old man!” Lawks a-lummy. Well, we was robbed of a suspenseful episode up until this moment. Thank heavens for the murder and resurrection of Jud Paynter, suddenly reappearing at his own wake clad in a shroud and hat he borrowed from Benny off Crossroads. Here was a man whose constitution has been so fortified by cheap gin that he can withstand even a fatal attack. You can try to kill Jud as many times as you want but, as Prudie might say, it’s as like as he’d be too drunk to notice.
Great drama and heaving bosoms towards the end of this episode (both literally and in the reports by Elizabeth’s mother of the obscene fashions observed in the Bath area). But this was otherwise a sedate affair, re-establishing equilibrium after the fevered atmosphere of the trial and reminding any viewers late to the Poldark party of the basic plot points. Evil George will stop at nothing to destroy Ross; Francis supports Ross but is weak and has allowed himself to be undermined by Evil George; and, of course, the most important of all: Ross and Elizabeth will always be secretly in love. Well, at least we’re all caught up.
Meanwhile, Ross was home safe and well. But not for long, as suddenly he had to find £400 by selling all his worldly goods, including Demelza’s terrifyingly extensive brooch collection and, at one point beside a hedge, almost Demelza herself. Over at Evil Towers, Evil George was practising being manly not only with his (extremely puny-looking) boxing master but also in front of the mirror, the complete and utter blaggard. It’s not quite Rocky Balboa, is it? He can barely summon up enough evil to get someone else to knock Jud Paynter out for a couple of hours. Still, he’s getting more desperate and that’s when things will get interesting.
My favourite subplot is hotting up nicely as the beautiful Sindy doll dog woman develops ever more elaborate versions of hypochondria to reel in dishy Dr Enys. How delightful to be able to call in a lovely young man to get a fish bone out of your throat! Nice to see Bergerac back in the frame too, and I’m sure he calmed himself down with a helping of sugared almonds and marzipan before bedtime after all the shenanigans.
There’s a pleasing interplay of high drama and humour in Poldark and the latter was amply demonstrated by the arrival of the third member of the Proclaimers, Captain McNeil, especially when he said: “I will personally undertake to protect you from his enthusiasm.” I cannot be the only person imagining that Captain McNeil’s enthusiasm protection services might involve projecting some enthusiasm of his own on to poor Demelza. He might yet have his chance. After what she overheard her husband saying to Elizabeth, I wouldn’t blame her for wanting to walk 500 miles and then walk 500 more just to get away from Ross.
Pewter tankard award for bonkers brilliance as supporting actor
This week, the tankard must surely go to … Tankard, the Warleggan proxy! The ghostly face of Evil George’s henchman Tankard (Sebastian Armesto) as he looked down on Jud being beaten up … Oh, the horror! “Tom got a little carried away …” Tankard started out at the shareholders’ meeting looking like a contestant on The Apprentice when they get called into the boardroom and have to knife someone in the back without looking as if they are knifing someone in the back. He was good at this. But then things got nasty and he unravelled a bit. This is what I like about Tankard. He seems evil but he also looks like he might cry at any minute. He doesn’t like it when he gets out of his depth. He’s the classic Sopranos henchman: evil but really wanting to see a therapist.
Classic Poldark lines
“It was also you I wished to see. On account of your skill at cow-doctoring.” As come-on lines go, Captain McNeil’s can at least be described as unique.
“I wakes up with a terrible thirst, dreaming of gin.” Don’t we all, Jud, don’t we all.
“Have you come to steal my heart?” “No, sir, I’ve come to visit your cow.” This is what we like about Demelza. She tells it like it is.
“I’ll knock ’im sideways down Stippy Stappy Lane.” Fighting talk from Prudie who, in reality, would likely get stuck in the entrance to Stippy Stappy Lane if she ever tried to walk down it.
Regulation reverse sexism bare chest moment
Ah, here he is in Mr Darcy’s white shirt! A few seconds of mining for the aficionados, but nothing more to see here, move along please. Really, BBC1 is getting very cocky. It’s almost as if they think no further chest shots are required. A bold move. Can woman survive on clifftop brooding shots alone? I don’t think so.
For a few moments I thought Francis might be taking over the stud muffin role. After his “sorry-I-missed-my-own-head” post-suicide transformation, he’s all carpe diem and now a great fan of farmyard work and hay fights. He’s even been trying a spot of scything! Although, of course, Francis being Francis he does it in a natty waistcoat not bare-chested. A missed opportunity. Now he’s looking for a mine in his back garden and leading the weird harvest celebrations. If this was Single White Female, he’d be dyeing his hair black and wearing a tricorn hat. Watch your back, Ross, or, more importantly, your chest.
Next week
Ross and Francis are in partnership. The dog woman is reeling in the doctor. Demelza is taking a turn in the boat. And Ross finally decks George. Plus: more evidence that Jud is alive. Barely.
- This article was amended on 19 September to correct the spelling of Stippy Stappy Lane.
