Of the quirkiest pop tropes, such as saying hello from the other side, being the baaaad guy and, of course, there being absolutely no party like an S Club party, one in particular stands out by dint of its brutality: begging a tarty woman to stop shagging your boyfriend. The most enduring example is Jolene, where Dolly Parton pleads with an auburn-haired, green-eyed mistress not to toy with her lover any further. It’s a time-honoured tale that south London’s Raye name-checks, updates and shakes firmly by the gingham-clad shoulders on her new single, Natalie Don’t.
Although pop has long prided itself on its willingness to uplift other women – see Destiny’s Child, Katy Perry in Firework-mode and Taylor Swift eagerly recruiting new members of her squad for proof – there is one notable exception when it comes to not criticising your sisters, and that’s when one of them is trying to steal your man.
In 2018, Stormzy donned his best fluffy pink Stetson to pick apart Jolene’s troubling narrative on Twitter, nailing the reasons why the 46-year-old song still resonates harder than a Dear Deidre letter: because, although we feel for Dolly, and we all know the real wrong’ un in this situation is the man, we also can’t quite shake the feeling we all know a Jolene. “Kinda sad actually, wish Dolly had more self-love and confidence or the strength to just leave my man cah it ain’t really Jolene’s fault,” wrote Stormzy, “but then again Jolene knows exactly what she’s doing the lil jezzy.”
While Dolly’s desperate way of trying to bat off Jolene is by killing her with kindness and reminding her that she’s so fine she can have her pick of small mountain-town hunks, Raye takes a stauncher approach to getting shot of the other woman. “When you bend over like that / You know his eyes gon’ follow,” she sighs over moody Blade Runner synths, swapping Parton’s indelible sadness for a more straight-up “don’t be a dick, hun” attitude. “Natalie, please feel bad / Don’t text back, leave my man,” reasons Raye, not unreasonably.
Natalie Don’t’s sassy roots can be found in Katy B and Jessie Ware’s 2012 2-step tale of cheating, Aaliyah, the two women trading bars that suggest that this boyfriend-stealer should watch her back: “With every move you make / You know you’ve got him transfixed / But you can’t get past me, Aaliyah.”
But whether it’s Dolly, Raye, Katy B or Jessie Ware’s heartache we’re dealing with, there’s a simple solution to such flagrant adultery. Rather than hoping the third wheel will eventually roll out of the way, calmly follow the advice in Carrie Underwood’s acceptably aggy 2005 anthem Before He Cheats: dump him and then smash up his car. Easy.
