Piers Morgan practically courts controversy for a living.
The famously opinionated Good Morning Britain co-host, however, was virtually lost for words after learning that there was some very explicit and utterly bizarre fan fiction written about him.
Taking to Instagram , Piers wrote only "WTF?" beside a headline announcing that YouTube comedian Alizee Yeezy had put pen to paper in a graphic depiction of the Life Stories star having sex with a sausage roll.
It's worth noting that it wasn't just any sausage roll....it was a Greggs vegan sausage roll.
Piers is known for being militantly opposed to the product's release, and often clashes with...well, whoever, on the matter.
He even branded Greggs "PC-ravaged clowns" after they let hungry customers know the vegan alternative would be hitting stores across the country.
But Alizee's fan fiction, aptly titled Piers Morgan's Vegan Lover, glimpses past the bravura, instead re-imagining Piers' ire as something else entirely.
Set during a fictional episode of GMB, Piers glares at a picture of one of the vegan sausage rolls.
"He admired the soft curves," Alizee writes, "And the way the light rested on her dry skin."
What follows is a deeply troubling account of co-host Susanna Reid walking in on Piers doing...well, you know what.
It wraps up with Susanna fainting.
Metro asked Alizee herself what the inspiration behind the bizarre tale was, with her replying: "'Why' is a good question.
"It's something I've thought to myself over sleepless nights. I was having a discussion with someone at 3am about strange corners of the Internet where anything and everything has been written about as erotic fiction.
"Which led us to wonder if there had ever been erotica about, say, Jack Whitehall or Piers Morgan.
"Writers often say they don't come up with ideas, but the ideas come to them instead. For me, it was the question, 'Piers Morgan is always banging on about sausage rolls. Why doesn't he marry one? Or f*** one?'
"The rest is history."
