Phillip Schofield has opened up about how his sexuality caused him once to back out of This Morning.
On February 7, 2020, Phillip made the brave decision to come out as gay in a heartfelt post on Instagram to his 3.2 million followers.
He also appeared on This Morning alongside his co-star Holly Willoughby to further explain his decision.
But in his new book, Life’s What You Make It, the star reveals his turmoil as he wrestled his sexuality.
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Phillip also discusses how it started to affect his work life - saying how one day he couldn't face presenting This Morning.
He instead fled to his London flat where he messaged Steph, his wife of 27 years, to tell her: “I couldn’t do the show", reports the Mirror.
Co-host Holly Willoughby presented the ITV programme alone as viewers were told that Phillip had called in sick.
Phillip says: “I sat alone in the flat, staring at the walls, as This Morning started on the other side of London.
“It was a very stupid thing to do... all my closest friends knew how ragged my head was but no one except Steph knew why.”
On another day he had to rush off set halfway through a fashion segment on the show to be sick.
He said: "I now knew that I needed professional help."
What followed was a gut-wrenching few months including a Christmas and New Year where he “sobbed quietly in the dark” while watching the London fireworks on the TV.
The star said: “It’s like being inside the blackest cloud and feeling consumed by crushing, desperate sadness. Nothing and no one can make it better.”
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Such was his pain that he refused to eat, despite his wife’s desperate efforts to help him.
He said: "My weight dropped and as it hit 9st 12lb the This Morning viewers started to notice. I was getting tweets from people asking if I was ill."
When he did share his sexuality, Steph, 56, reassured him she would always “unconditionally” love him, as would his daughters Molly, 27, and Ruby, 24.
Phillip admits the moment he told his children “almost made me sick”.
But he adds: “When things got really dark, [Steph] reminded me how much they all loved me and that there was nothing that the four of us couldn’t cope with.”
Life's What You Make It, by Phillip Schofield, is out now (Penguin Books)
