Have you ever noticed that some people seem to absorb everything you say, while others tune you out?
People who ignore others, failing to fully connect during conversations, hurt relationships. Why? Because failing to listen denotes disrespect. It's like saying, "You are not important to me."
When others do carefully listen to you, you tend to trust them and vice versa. After all, if the person you're talking to doesn't value your thoughts and feelings, why would you trust him or her?
"When I was a young executive at a major chemical company, I noticed all of the upper-level bosses had one trait in common," says a man we'll call Dakota. "When you spoke to them, they could repeat your words back to you, if needed. They listened, and they honored what you had to say."
Listening is a habit, but it's also a skill you can polish over time. You have to practice listening.
It's worth working on this skill, because good listeners have an advantage in all of life's situations. They know more, and this helps them act more quickly.
"My husband is a jewel," says a friend of ours we'll call Katie. "He pays close attention when I say we're out of milk or bread. He often comes home with grocery items I've mentioned. He asks a lot of questions, too. He invites our kids to state their problems. For example, our son was having problems with a physics class. My husband quickly got hold of a friend to come over, and he's tutored our son in physics ever since."
Here are some advantages for those with great listening skills:
_You can spot danger before others do. For example, if your daughter's boyfriend starts joking around about smoking pot, you'll have inside information. You might need to have a serious talk with your daughter about that relationship.
_You'll find positive things about your community. You might, for instance, hear about a festival, concert, or a new job opening. You can take advantage of positive aspects of what's around you, if you've made mental notes.
_You can help your friends and family thrive. A good listener might coordinate someone to help an elderly person get a ride or coordinate a job interview for a college student. This is due to the fact that a good listener can channel the right information to people who need it.
_You'll know people to engage to enhance your own life. For example, if you hear someone bragging on a good doctor or great auto mechanic, this information can help in your own decision-making efforts.
When it comes to relationships with co-workers, friends, family, and business associates, having good listening skills helps you to strengthen every bond. There is no substitute for paying close attention.
"I was once upset because my husband was darting his eyes around as I spoke," says a young mother we'll call Tiffany. "I was trying to tell him I was pregnant, but he was looking at the TV, watching a ballgame behind my back."
Tiffany goes on to say, she finally tried this: "I waited until the ballgame was over. I told him, 'Sit down. I have the biggest news you'll ever hear. Listen to me.' My point is that we need to sometimes find the right moment to speak. Sometimes, we need to preface a big piece of information with an announcement that it's important."
