All of us will deal with some type of violence at some point in our lives. The violence may be directed at us, or it might be inflicted upon people we care about.
As a society, the question we face is: How can violence be prevented?
It's pretty difficult to press rewind, in order to figure out what went wrong, when someone has assaulted a spouse or shot up a local school.
Would gun control help? Would therapy available to everyone help?
Keep in mind that most of us could act out violence, if we had enough stress going on. That's why we need to see any perpetrator as a victim as well.
Those who wind up in trouble were once innocent little children, just like the rest of us. They did not start off in life wanting to hurt someone.
"The domestic violence cases I investigate for child abuse incidents have shown me that these parents are not monsters," a social worker told us. We'll call him Trey.
"I have found," says Trey, "that parents often go over the edge when there is not enough food in the house. All child abuse cases do not involve evil people. They are normal people who snap."
Over the years, we've written about stress and its long-term effects. Here's what we learned:
_ Stress, over time, builds up to massive frustration. This is like carrying a deep, annoying pressure inside your mind and body.
_ Frustration, unchecked, leads to constant anger. We all likely know a few very angry people. They snap and snarl at others on a regular basis.
_ Anger, over time, leads to hate. This is a deep-seated feeling that someone is to blame for your pain. Hate becomes a weapon long before anyone locates a gun or raises their fist.
_ Hate triggers eventual violence. Once hate is pushed this far, it doesn't take a lot to drive the fantasies of slamming another person.
"I used to get very disgusted when I'd think about people shooting someone," says a man we'll call Larry. Larry is a policeman in Tennessee.
"One day," Larry told us, "I'd had a horrible day at work. At home, our heat pump had gone out, and my checkbook was down to fifty-eight dollars."
Larry's neighbor had a dog running loose that had already snapped at two people. This was the day the dog would hide under Larry's porch.
"That dog heard me on the first step and came out after me," Larry said. "It jumped me and bit me hard on the leg. I pulled my gun and killed it right there."
What's scary is Larry didn't stop there. He paid his neighbor a visit.
"I was bleeding and angry, and I came mighty close to shooting the dog's owner," Larry emphasized. "It was frustration stacking up that sent me to the edge."
Our point here is that any sane person needs to deal with frustration at the basic level. Frustration feeds the anger, hate and violence.
If there's a huge problem looming over you, make up your mind to get the help you need.
For example, if financial issues or relationship issues are placing you under stress, keep looking for answers. Don't allow problems to stack up. Humble yourself and ask for help until you receive it. Finding control will help to curtail violence.
"In my case," says Larry, "I should have talked to the dog's owner when neighbors first told me it was snapping at people. I should have called Animal Control right away."
