Have you ever wondered why you feel instant closeness with someone?
Maybe you meet casually at a party, but you strike up a friendship that really takes off.
The underlying factor of such bonding can be that you share the same morals. People who share the same ideas about what's right and what's wrong will feel like kindred spirits.
We all get a sense of someone's manners, thought processes, inner calm and respect for others. We usually know, almost instantly, if we see eye-to-eye on many levels with another person.
"I can read other people by how they smile, react, make comments to support something I've just said," says an attorney we'll call Sharon. "I love to have clients who have really great morals, because I don't want to represent someone who is underhanded or bending the truth."
Sharon told us that she has noticed something odd about people with great morals, however. She's learned that some very nice people can cover for some not-so-nice people in lawsuits she's tried in court.
"Interestingly enough, many people hate to take a moral stand against certain types of people," says Sharon. "This can really mess up how we deal with those who are doing damage to society."
"For example," says Sharon, "if someone's dad cheated on their mother, they don't want to judge someone who's cheating. I guess it's because they feel they are judging their dad. So, they make excuses for bad behavior."
Sharon told us that her key witness against a banker committing fraud caused some real problems. "I found out the witness hated to tell the truth because her brother had once been accused of stealing money," says Sharon.
Good morals keep us on the straight and narrow, but we must all make sure we aren't letting guilty people slide in bad situations.
"I seem to be attracted to alcoholics," says a friend of ours we'll call Jessica. "My dad was an alcoholic, so I have this fantasy I can reform someone who is self-destructive."
Jessica has loaned money to several dating partners who never paid her back. She even bought one boyfriend a brand-new car, which she is still paying for.
Jessica is using her "power" of having good morals to influence others, but only in fantasy. In reality, she keeps getting pulled down emotionally.
It's a good feeling to actually believe we can improve someone's quality of life. However, we have to respect the truth that others might not want our help.
For those of us who make a big deal out of having morals, we have to realize that many people are still working out issues. They might not tell the truth completely, or they may have different ideas about dealing with a problem.
While it's important to know the weaknesses of others, it's critical to steer around those weaknesses. Seldom does it pay to directly point out another's dishonesty or failure to comply with what we believe _ unless we're sitting on an actual jury.
"I've worked hard to become an honest person," says a friend of ours we'll call Steve. "I love friends who share my values. But, I never deceive myself about people who don't. I just keep them at arm's length."
When we tangle up our lives by getting close with immoral people, we will end up paying a huge price.
