Do you have an out-of-control teenager who's giving you a hard time? Maybe you've yelled something like: "You idiot! Can't I teach you anything?!"
Or, are you quarreling with a neighbor who's always making trouble? Maybe you've screamed a few obscenities in the backyard _ actually hoping that neighbor heard you.
It can be tempting to slam someone verbally. After all, we each have our breaking point.
However, maintaining your own dignity requires that you watch your words. You can't be described as a person of class if you throw words around recklessly.
Choosing just the right words will not only make you feel more in control, but the person you're confronting will listen with more respect if you make good sense.
Keep in mind, too, that if you are a person of dignity and class, you'll feel more confident that others can't shake you from your poise and centeredness. In almost every circumstance, ugly fighting and name-calling nixes any chance for a good outcome.
For example, calling your teenager an idiot will resonate for decades _ in his or her brain. And, it's likely your offspring will pass this kind of language to your grandkids. Not a good legacy, now is it?
In reality, your true enemies in life will fear you more if you are a calm person. And your friends will feel more loyalty to you, if they know you are like a rock under pressure.
Keep in mind that a person of class has power, because being able to have a strong, intelligent conversation is a form of solid influence in a real crisis situation.
"We had a weird situation where an employee was driving our clients around drunk," says a lawyer we'll call William. "This paralegal, whom I'll call Shawn, would take people to lunch and have five mixed drinks!"
William knew that he didn't want to act crazy himself. "But," he told us, "I had to jump this employee before he got somebody killed. Not only that, but I had to fire him before he got us sued!"
Here is the advice we gave William in grabbing control and managing correctly:
_ Create a formal situation to talk. We told him to invite Shawn to lunch with the partners of the firm. This way, William would have the right setting to hold his employee's attention.
_ Tell the good news first. By this, we meant for William and his senior associates to point out productive work and faithfulness Shawn had acted out in the past. This would ease some of the pain for the firing to follow.
_ Describe the person's behaviors. Don't attack his character. For example, do say, "Your excessive drinking is affecting our confidence in your job performance." Don't yell, "We can't have an out-of-control weakling on our staff!"
Acting calmly doesn't always fit the situation one hundred percent of the time. There might come a time you'll need to simply shout out the truth. For example, you might need to tell an employee, like Shawn, "You're putting other people's lives at risk! You're fired!"
But, in maintaining your role as a person of class, you will feel less shaky in this challenging world if you act in a peaceful and calm manner most of the time _ especially when things are hopelessly rocky.
People will also trust you to manage their business efforts, money investments, correspondence, and a host of other responsibilities if you can manage yourself well.
