Do you realize that people instigate lots of crazy drama to avoid tackling problems?
For example, a teenage daughter can throw a tantrum so you'll stop telling her to break up with her boyfriend.
Think of drama as a sideshow. It diverts our attention away from pain, so we can't launch a calm, logical and productive conversation.
"My husband and I never had a full, complete, satisfying conversation in ten years of marriage," a recently divorced friend of ours told us. "He argued to keep from cooperating!"
With drama, you spend precious time either soothing the other person, taking verbal whacks at them, or licking your own wounds they've inflicted on you.
Whatever the true problem is, it's still right there on the table. Drama ensures it won't get fixed.
Naturally, some people explode occasionally because they have legitimate reasons to hit the ceiling. Most of us have gotten angry and blown a fuse here and there.
But, people who stage regular dramatic scenes have decided the work it takes to correct something is harder than giving everyone around them an emotional black eye. They enjoy taking a swing at your heart, rather than acting grownup and helpful.
"These are the type of people who can stage a fight over whether to serve turkey or ham on Thanksgiving," says a psychologist friend of ours. We'll call him Brad.
"These individuals, namely many of my clients, can cause World War III over how to pour a concrete patio," Brad insists. "And, they know how to kick up so much dust over a small mistake, they trigger more anxiety than a terrorist. They come asking for my help, when I know it's their families and friends who could use the help!"
Why do people act out so intensely? Why do they direct such attention to themselves?
Most of the time, they are avoiding the work it would take to fix a problem. It's easier to rail and kick, scream and fight versus doing the hard work it takes to iron out difficulties.
"My brother is a Drama King," says a college student we'll call Angie. "He can cause an emotional explosion over which brand of creamer to put into a mug of coffee. His real problem is that our parents are pushing him to make better grades.
"If you try to calm things down a notch," she continues, "my brother just wails and whines that much more. I think he stays upset, so he'll not have time to study."
People who cause emotional upheavals are frozen in a child-like phase of development. Chances are, they don't realize they have never advanced to a level of maturity.
"I've dated a lot of men," says a woman we'll call Jill. "Most cut the conversation really short. They do not engage in lengthy discussions. They are the types who spend five seconds on lovemaking, too, if you get my message. Men who are great conversationalists are often very good in bed. They connect. They get it."
Keep in mind that you cannot build a life, business, or long-term relationship with anyone who is overly emotional. They are using their energies on drama that should be spent on creating something great.
If there's a lot of drama going on in your life, spend time to define what's really wrong. If you solve your problems, you will feel more in control. If others cause the drama, hold them accountable for answering this question: What's really bothering you?
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