If you want a better relationship with anyone, even with yourself, try setting more productive goals.
How does this work?
Well, let's say, for example, you've been saying, "I want to lose 10 pounds." Now, imagine for a moment that you set a better goal. You declare, "I want to be a very fit person, not just slimmer."
If you resolve to become physically fit, your vision of how to reach your goal will change.
Losing weight might involve sticking to 1,500 calories every day. But, getting into good shape, becoming physically fit, will mean you'll have to look at more options.
Lifting weights, running with friends, or joining an intense exercise class will become your new normal.
Here are some choices anyone has for setting better goals in relationships:
_ Decide that your mate will feel loved. Imagine what you'd say and do to ensure this happens. You might choose to pay more compliments or plan some surprises for your mate.
_ Decide that you will show appreciation for your co-workers. Most of us would think about taking special food to work occasionally or paying others more compliments.
_ Make the choice to stop making negative comments about your in-laws. If you let a lot of bad stuff slide by you, chances are, you'd be better off yourself. Keeping ugly remarks or personality problems of others on your mind will likely take a huge cut out of your own happiness.
"I sat down and made a list of good things I'd like to have in my life," says a friend of ours we'll call Ron. "I want to travel more, go to Europe, especially, and live out some dreams. I've been retired for a year, and I feel rather lost."
Ron says he needs to set better, higher goals, because he feels so stuck. His attitude has caused his wife to feel stuck as well.
"I wrote down a new vacation goal," he says. "I decided to ask my wife where she'd like to travel. I told her my goal is to make both of us happy. This caused her to get excited, visit some local travel agencies, and find a good group of senior citizens we can travel with."
Ron says his goal to visit Europe is taking on new life. "My wife is involved now, because I made it a goal to involve her ideas and make her happy. It's amazing how she went to bat for us."
"I look back at my failed marriage in my late twenties," says a friend of ours we'll call Cody. "My goal was to lord myself over my wife. I had grown up around macho males who ruled the roost. Now, I can imagine how bad this made their wives feel. It would have been so easy for these men to have behaved better."
Cody's goals now include honoring the feelings of his now-wife, Sandra, and his three children.
"I make goals that will enhance their life experience by living with me," Cody explains. "I look at myself as a leader, rather than a boss pushing my family around. My top goal is to make time to listen to my family. I invite them to tell me what makes them happy."
If we all make goals to lift up other people, we'll have stronger friendships and allies. No relationship is likely to fail, if you make sure it's always headed in the right direction.
