As Manchester City weaved indecipherable patterns all around them during the first half of Tuesday’s Champions League clash, it was hard not to have sympathy for Club Brugge’s defenders.
The Belgian outfit’s backline seemed entirely baffled but, in fairness, City also perplexed a former England and Arsenal centre-back observing the Premier League champions’ 5-1 win from the commentary position.
“We talking about fake false nines (note the deviation from the usual name for that position), but what about their fake full-backs? ” asked Martin Keown, who was analysing things on BT Sport via Strawberry Fields... nothing is real.
Joao Cancelo opened the scoring for City from left-back with the finish of a seasoned poacher, Kyle Walker was overlapping and underlapping down the right and almost made it 2-0.
“It almost has to be the perfect goal for City, with all these passes,” Keown observed, but he seemed unsure over whether this was a good thing or a bad thing. What did anything mean anymore?
Walker did eventually get in on the act in the second period, while Riyad Mahrez added to his first-half penalty to complete the rout after youth team standout Cole Palmer gave another demonstration of his dazzling talents with a sumptuous left-footed finish.
But it was City’s performance in the opening 45 minutes that really messed with the senses. Pep Guardiola was on the money when he declared this little masterpiece “one of the best performances we have done in Europe, definitely”.
City have made a habit of playing without a fixed centre-forward for most of 2021. At Jan Breydel Stadium, with the exception of centre-backs Aymeric Laporte and Ruben Dias and holding midfielder Rodri, there didn’t seem to be any fixed positions anywhere at times.
In the space of a week, Phil Foden went from being the best left-winger in the country on the evidence of his Anfield display to England’s immediate central midfield saviour.
Guardiola had him back at false nine in Bruges - turns out he’s pretty good there too. Foden took every bit of license that comes with Guardiola’s signature position to dictate proceedings, with his raking ball over the top for Cancelo joining an impressive recent collection of Andrea Pirlo impersonations.
As Foden dropped deep from the frontline, Bernardo Silva hared into the space he left, combining with Jack Grealish when City’s £100 million man wasn’t pulling right-back Clinton Mata further and further towards the touchline until his sense of positional awareness imploded.
Mahrez did not emulate Grealish’s chalk-on-boots efforts, often darting infield and sometimes taking up the central attacking position when Foden, Bernardo and Kevin De Bruyne were entertaining themselves elsewhere.
Throw the roving duo of Walker and Cancelo into the mix and Brugge were faced with the horror of seven-man attacks.
The question will still be asked how many goals City might have scored with a conventional striker and it remains worthy of consideration, despite the five they pilfered and two that were disallowed for a foul by Grealish and offside against Laporte respectively.
Before the deadlock was broken in the 30th minute, Foden, Bernardo and Cancelo all put balls across the six-yard box that any semi-competent marksman would have snaffled.
Guardiola has constructed a catch-22 that will follow his team around all season. His team full of playmakers are ruthless in their domination of games and suffocation of opponents but are more “what will be, will be” in the goalmouth.
Still, they took a team who claimed four points from Paris Saint-Germain and RB Leipzig to pieces by playing some of the most delicious football you’re likely to see.
“This is a team that every finger you give they take the whole arm,” said Brugge boss Philippe Clement when assessing City’s performance. It was, frankly, a disgusting metaphor.
Maybe this is how City finally scale the Champions League mountain, with the most undiluted version of Pep-ball yet that reduces opponents to a confused mess and leaves onlookers spouting gibbering nonsense.
Striker or no striker, just settle in and enjoy the dizzying ride.
Where does the Club Brugge win rank among City's best European displays under Pep? Follow our City Is Our s editor Dom Farrell on Twitter to get involved in the discussion and give us your thoughts in the comments section below.
