Well some people have been quite unkind about my dress *experiences terrifying polyester flashback* but I do not really mind because non-swank that proves it totes worked, conf-wise? As in Mummy said it made her literally cry, I’m like, good, & Alexa said she did not recognise me, I’m like, perfect, Dave was like, is the front meant to look like that, I’m like, result, & Anya was like, I swear that is the exact same one I saw in the window of Mary’s Living and Giving in Chiswick, only yours is way more creased? I’m like, excuse me, what would you pick if it had to be (a) high street, not Zara and (b) cheaper than anything you have ever worn and (c) approved by Mr Cobber?
I’ll be like, austerity klaxon, what about this old piece, look, from Spring/Summer 13, he’ll go hold up Sabrina, how much was it, I’m like, well nothing compared with what Amal Alamuddin would spend, he’s like, well when you start working in human fricking rights ask me again, next? I’m like, OK – would you mind turning round Mr Cobber – look at these, great for striding into the sun? He’ll be like, EFFING DAKS, no mate, you look like a man think more Pippa Middleton, lovely young lady in her little frocks, in focus groups 75% of men pick her as the girl they’d most like to escort to a traditional all-you-can eat surf ’n’ turf barbecue?
I’m like, so call her designer, he’s like, nice try Sabrina, you think I never seen Dacre’s get the look for less, here’s a lovely item, very Pippa, £19 from asos. I’m like *speaks very slowly* even Mrs Miliband spent £59.99 on a dress that would only be seen by POOR people, he’s like, MY POINT, seen his polls?
I’m like, OK, question, why are you even bothering with bribes if my dress is literally screaming “mwahaha, Peston is right you credulous fools, these uncosted tax cuts will never happen and you are doomed to dress from asos until kingdom come”. He’s like, you win, £100 it is Sabs, max, any colour you like, I’m like yay, he’s like, so long as it’s light blue :(((
