Chances are that the current EastEnders character-cull has left you cold. You didn't cry when Squiggle drove off in her taxi, and you hold Minty in such disdain that you want his exit to be as swift as possible – perhaps he could fall down a well, or turn into dust like that chap at the end of Indiana Jones.
But it's different with Peggy Mitchell, who is expected to bow out before the weekend. She's been at the heart of EastEnders for 16 years, and it's hard to imagine life on Albert Square without her. Well, it'll be as bleak and relentlessly depressing as ever, obviously. But still, let's bid a fond farewell by looking at her most defining features.
The family name
"You're a Mitchell!" Peggy would bellow at the nearest relative – perhaps the crack addict, or the one whose boyfriend knocked her sister up – blissfully unaware that it's this fact that probably set them off on their morbid spirals into terminal glumness in the first place.
The men
Peggy's first onscreen husband was Frank Butcher, a man who accidentally murdered her daughter-in-law and then had it away with his ex-wife. But Frank was nothing compared with Archie Mitchell, the child-abusing sociopath so preposterously evil that he once literally turned Peggy into a robot. It was just for an EastEnders promo, but that's still pretty evil.
The haircuts
Never has so much acrylic been set aside for such a minuscule woman. The sheer breadth of wigs that Peggy has utilised over the years has been little short of dizzying. There was the ratty half-ponytail (1994), the heaving ELO-esque mullet (1998) , and several hundred variations on her current peroxide bearskin of a bob. But they will remain with us, in the form of a potentially carcinogenic cloud lingering permanently over Borehamwood caused by . . .
The end
Fittingly, since she owns the most flammable pub on the planet, Peggy looks set to perish after her crackhead son torches The Queen Vic. It might be sad, but you can feel disappointed if she doesn't try to escape by screeching "Geddouddami PAHB!" at the flames as loud as she can.
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