AS ever more preposterous rumours of befuddlement attach themselves to Paula Abdul, the American Idol judge is once again dogged by misfortune.
Quite literally, in fact, as she has sustained a broken nose in a bizarre domestic accident involving her pet chihuahua. According to Paula, a rash attempt to avoid stepping on Tulip this weekend quickly spilled over into a mindless or otherwise pratfall, in which she sustained several injuries, including a broken nose.
Lost in Showbiz hasn't the energy to pick holes in this version of events by obtaining floor plans of Paula's house, then measuring canine trajectories and reaction times, before concluding that in fact Paula must simply have been suffering balance-altering tinnitus from the time she claimed two sets of radio interview questions were piped into her headphones at once.
Instead, we'll just lie down and take her publicist's line.
"She went to the doctor," this David Brokaw tells People magazine, "and she did break her nose but she's moving on and doing great."
For some reason, David's soothing words put one in mind of those uttered by Mariah Carey's publicist following a misunderstood incident back in 2001. On that occasion, you may recall, the strong-willed diva's mother made a 911 call requesting urgent medical assistance, resulting in Mariah being admitted to hospital in the dead of night with bandaged arms, before being transferred to a secret recovery unit for psychiatric care. Her publicist's explanation? "Mariah did break some dishes and may have cut her foot in the process"
No matter how many times Paula claims her broken nose is merely collateral damage in Tulip's ongoing fight for survival, you have to think the Carey statement will always remain the benchmark industry euphemism for "Actually, I am going through some stuff right now".
