Over on Channel 4 last night Paul Hollywood was wide-eyed in wonder as he stared at some prized melons in Tokyo.
So, if nothing else, he’s consistent in his behaviours. Whatever the continent.
OK, it wasn’t the Carry On kind of melons he was gawping at.
He was actually in a rather posh Tokyo food emporium checking out the incredibly expensive foodie gifts rich Japanese people buy for each other.
How expensive? Well, a pair of particularly fancy melons once fetched £35,000 at auction.
Even on the shop floor, Paul found strawberries that were going for £350 each and 8oz beef steaks for £200 a pop.
Anyway, apologies to anyone offended by my melon talk. Just think yourselves lucky that I haven’t speculated as to whether Hollywood himself has ever had his head turned by some melons and ended up out of pocket because of it.
In my defence, the programme’s “ooh-er, missus” voiceover lady started it.
As well as the melons, it was all “a nice pair of buns” this and “some lovely baps” that.
Also, I’m not entirely convinced that her pointing out Paul was in search of “some high end posh nosh” was as innocent as it sounded.
That’s not a complaint, though. This culinary trip around Japan kind of lent itself to the jokey touch.
Given that a future episode will see Paul eating a local delicacy called “pickled plums in fish semen” we should probably get used it.
Even the title, Paul Hollywood Eats Japan, was silly, conjuring up images of Paul wolfing down an entire landmass – a suggestion not entirely refuted by later shots of him squeezed into a Mutant Ninja Turtle racing suit.
To be fair, our Bake Off flour guru was just as bad as anyone. At times the script was so puntastic, I was just waiting for him to announce he was in “the land of the rising bun”.
Maybe he’s saving that one for next week.
In this first episode he was too busy trying to impress his young local guide Kilara, who was showing him some of the trendier places to eat in Tokyo.
Kilara told Paul she also wanted to teach him all about “chopstick etiquette” to which my first response was "about time someone did".
Amazingly, at one point I thought Paul had charmed her.
During a discussion about middle-aged men, Kilara sweetly smiled, “Oh, but you’re young.”
Then I remembered she was a professional comedian.
Sadly, Paul had obviously forgotten that job description. There could be no other explanation for him actually telling her out loud that his fish dish was “eely nice.”
“Is it a British joke?” she replied. Yes, Kilara. I’m afraid it is. We can only apologise.
That was the end of Kilara for this episode. Presumably, she legged it before Paul could suggest “eel meat again – some sunny day.”
Paul’s next Tokyo guide was a long-haired lovely in a pretty dress – a cross-dressing pro wrestler/stuntman from Australia called Ladybeard, who is massive in Japan.
Ladybeard took Paul to a restaurant where you have to catch your own fish for lunch. You will probably have your own thoughts on the ethics of that.
All I can tell you is it led to a sharp intake of breath in my house when Ladybeard announced that their next stop would be a "puppy cafe". Luckily, it was the pooches who were doing the eating.
According to the voiceover lady, the next stage of Paul’s journey will see him visiting a place where “drunk men will be hitting him with giant sticks.” (No, I didn’t know they had Wetherspoons in Japan either.)
After that, who knows where he will end up?
However, based on this programme we shouldn’t rule out Gordon, Gino and Fred squeezing in another bunk and inviting him on their next road trip.
