Paul Hart

'People try to put us down, talking 'bout my relegation,' warbles Jamie King in another musically inspired effort Photograph: Public Domain

'With the rest of the Premier League plundering his best players, drastic action is needed to protect his embattled club. With Steve the Bruce at Sunderland, Portsmouth must rely on Brave Hart!' says Tel Stupple, winningly Photograph: Public Domain

'Forget the stones, just find the money! I know he's got it somewhere!" Alex Keys's gruesome effort sees departed owner Sulaiman al-Fahim go under the knife Photograph: Public Domain

Paul Hart aka Uncle Fester serves Mick McCarthy up on a plate. Could Brian Corcoran be adding a touch of horror to the relegation battle? Photograph: Public Domain

'I like to imagine that when players and managers leave a sinking ship they send a nice postcard back to the person left sinking,' chortles Adam Williams Photograph: Public Domain

'It's time for another episode of Hartbeat' says David Castle, whose Pompey tracksuited Morph is a lot cuter than the real manager Photograph: Public Domain

'He's just waiting, contemplating the inevitable Sheikh up which will result in him being shown the door' sings Finn Connolly Photograph: Public Domain

'With time running out, both Fahim and Storrie came up with the same six-letter word: sacked.' Mark Ireland's Paul Vorderman is a sight to behold Photograph: Public Domain

'As Pompey wrestled with relegation, Paul 'The Hitman' Hart was assigned to instil some fighting spirit in the side,' says Williams Wilson Photograph: Public Domain

'As a Saints fan, getting the chance to 'gallery' Pompey is like a vampire spotting a particularly juicy artery in the neck of a serene young virgin!' says an overexcited Niel Butler Photograph: Public Domain

'The 'Pimp my Manager' team left Portsmouth with a sense that, despite their transformative efforts, they had fallen short of leaving the club in the hands of a man with the brash self-confidence of a proven winner.' Richard Hooker's Hart-Capello fusion is terrifying, truly terrifying Photograph: Public Domain

'It's all a big misunderstanding, now pay up Abou!' Ryan Doran diabbles in a spot of word play Photograph: Public Domain

'Paul Hart seeks vengeance after being abandoned by his wealthy owners. That or he really loooks like Penguin from Batman Returns,' says Thomas Nycz-Losi Photograph: Public Domain

'Paul Hart checks in but Portsmouth is no Love Storrie', crones Francis Pitt. He doesn't quite have the King's looks though does he? Photograph: Public Domain