Come the general election I dare you to walk into a polling station and vote in someone else’s name.
Don’t just do it once, do it six times and don’t worry about getting caught - just say you thought the person you were voting for was in the area.
If anyone objects, or you’re lugged off to the nearest garda station, just explain you are following what appears to be normal practice in Dail Eireann.
If Fianna Fail TDs Niall Collins and Timmy Dooley can do it in the national parliament, why can’t we follow their example in elections for that august body?
Imagine Mr Collins voted six times for Deputy Dooley, who wasn’t there. Wouldn’t Boris Johnson love to have a few MPs like Niall on his side in the Commons?
If caught voting in someone else’s name you could also attempt the “stray sod” defence, which has worked for Fianna Fail’s Brexit spokeswoman, Lisa Chambers.
Poor Lisa became bamboozled by Brexit last Thursday and hadn’t a clue where she was, so sat down in her colleague Dara Calleary’s seat and voted on his behalf in the confusion. She then moved to her own seat and voted again in her own name.
Today she admitted her mistake but on Sunday denied ever voting in someone else’s name on RTE’s This Week programme.
Apparently she thought the question was “have you ever intentionally or ‘knowingly’ voted for someone else?”, to which the answer was no.
She just stopped short of saying “that would be an ecumenical matter”.
So there you have it; if you happen to wander in off the street into a polling booth and inadvertently vote in someone else’s name you know what to do.
The most Deputies Dooley and Collins can expect is a slap on the wrist, which again highlights that there’s one law for the public and another for public representatives.
Then again way back in 1933 didn’t Fianna Fail TD Tom Kelly lay down the ground rules when he said: “If a man is dead and you knew the opinions he held while alive, what harm would it be to vote for him?
“If a poor man is sick in hospital and not able to get out, surely it is a good turn to see that his vote is registered.
“If he has gone away and his neighbours know his opinions, I do not see any harm in personation.”
Some things change, some things stay the same.
