Nothing like a dame ... Vinnie Jones
Photograph: Kirstie Wigglesworth/PA
I see that ex-footballer Vinnie Jones is to appear in a charity performance of the Sondheim-Lapine musical, Into The Woods, in October. Will this, I wonder, open the door for other soccer stars to perform in tune-and-toe shows?
If Zinedine Zidane were to appear in Guys and Dolls it would at least justify my dream headline: Zidane, Zidane You're Rocking The Boat. And what would be a suitable vehicle for his Italian nemesis, Marco Materazzi? Maybe that forgotten MGM musical from the 1950s, Three Little Words.
But this business of sportsmen treading the boards is no joke. A few years back there was a great vogue for shoving headline sports stars into pantomime. Ian Botham did it a number of times, prompting Matthew Engel to go backstage and daringly tell him "Darling, you were wonderful" (he was lucky to escape alive). And both boxing's Frank Bruno and rugby's Gareth Chilcott, improbably, played dame a number of times while swimmer Duncan Goodhew has also frequently surfaced in Christmas shows. If Goodhew ever forgot his lines, at least you could say that for once in his life he "dried".
You can see why showbiz promoters turned so eagerly to the back pages: sports stars bring in the punters and most athletes are used to the limelight. But, in general, the fashion for shunting boxers, cricketers and rugby-players into Babes In The Wood or Aladdin has passed; and I can't say I'm sorry. For a start, there are real actors out there who need the work. One also wants to cherish one's memories of one's sporting heroes doing what they do best: going 15 rounds or scoring runs rather than donning false boobs or fishnet tights to amuse the kids.
I'd go even further. I'd say that the growing convergence between showbiz and sport is a bad thing. Vinnie Jones is a separate case because he has shown he can transfer his hardman skills on the soccer-pitch to the movies. But, generally, when sportsmen opt for the bright lights, it's a sign their main career is coming to a close: however much Darren Gough may protest he'd like to play in cricket's next World Cup, it's hard to take his claim seriously after his twinkle-toed efforts on Celebrity Come Dancing or whatever it was called. And it hardly needs saying that England's soccer players have lost more than they have gained by acquiring all the dubious accoutrements of showbiz stardom.
So, by all means, let Vinnie Jones do a musical on behalf of The Children's Society. But I don't think we should treat this as a serious precedent: I no more wish to see Simon Russell Beale as England's chief striker than I yearn to see David Beckham's Hamlet. We should also remember that acting, singing and dancing are serious activities that require years of disciplined professional training; just like sport, in fact. To pretend otherwise insults actors as much as it demeans sportsmen.
