Age: 42.
Appearance: Jake Gyllenhaal crossed with JFK, gone horribly wrong and standing to the right of Mitt Romney.
Literally or figuratively speaking? Both. He's the man Republican Romney has picked as his vice-presidential running mate – a fan of Ayn Rand and staunch Catholic who has voted consistently against the funding of various contraceptive programmes and insurance coverage, believes that abortion should be illegal even in cases of rape and incest, and is the creator of a federal budget-cutting plan so draconian that it causes strong Democrats to weep and GOP members to shudder in parasexual ecstasy.
Oh, come on, it can't be that bad. The liberal thinktank Center on Budget and Policy Priorities called it "Robin Hood in reverse – on steroids".
Party political hyperbole, surely? You know how hysterical liberals can get. Ryan's plan proposes that 62% of the trillions it hopes to cut should come from low-income programmes. It would give all those earning more than $1m a year tax cuts worth nearly $400,000, increasing their net incomes by an average of 12.5%, while low-income people would experience tax rises.
OK, that's not great. And he wants to reduce the Medicaid budget dramatically while eliminating capital gains and dividend income taxes. Such an elimination would, Romney noted proudly in a recent debate, mean the presidential candidate himself would have paid no taxes for the last two years.
Ok-a-a-a-ay … Something's telling me he hasn't had to do much in the way of fighting for survival during his life? You'd be right. He's the fourth-generation scion of a family that made its money in construction and he has never had a job outside politics.
Really? Let's see – a fortysomething, independently wealthy neophyte who is happy to demonise and crush all those poorer and weaker than himself while senselessly rewarding the uber-rich ... it all sounds depressingly familiar. Oh well, at least Ryan hasn't been elected yet. Neither was ours, technically, if you remember. And look how that's turned out.
Do say: "Atlas Shrugged and so does Paul Ryan at your pantywaist fears for the poor!"
Don't say: "I'm ill and out of work. Could you help feed and clothe my children, please?"
