Age: Fiftysomething.
Appearance: Combative.
The great boxer played by Sylvester Stallone? No, it's...
I can just picture him running up and down those steps or slamming away at that punchbag. "It's the eye of the tiger, tumty-tum tum-tum-TUM. It's the…" What do you mean no? This Rocky is the hero of France's surprise summer bestseller. You should be picturing him in a gilded palace, asking a shocked visitor to take care of his erection. "Be nice to me," he's telling her. "You can see I need to relax."
What?! Is this the Gallic answer to Fifty Shades of Grey? Mais non. Le Monarque, Son Fils, Son Fief (The Monarch, His Son, His Fief) is a roman à clef set in the highest circles of French politics.
A rum and a what-what? That means it's a novel inspired by real people, with their names changed. Rocky is apparently inspired by ex-president Nicolas Sarkozy. The author, Marie-Célie Guillaume, used to be head of staff for one of his ministers.
"Head of staff", eh? … It's not a euphemism. The book depicts Rocky/Sarkozy as a vain, tyrannical, vengeful figure surrounded by orange-tanned egotists.
Is that fair? Let's just say that shops file it under non-fiction. To be scrupulously even-handed…
Spoilsport. No one's claiming every single bit of it is based on real events.
Sarko must be a teensy bit annoyed. He has been too busy sorting out the Middle East to comment.
I thought he had given up politics. You know, like Ed Milithingy. He promised to. Yet there he was last week, calling for international intervention in Syria in a joint statement with the head of the country's opposition.
Don't ex-presidents usually keep their yaps shut? Indeed. Laurent Fabius, the current foreign minister, said he was "amazed" that Sarkozy should want to create a "controversy" on such a serious subject: "Could it be – but it's too absurd – that he doesn't want to be forgotten?" he added.
Was there really any danger of that happening? Only if Guillaume's book starts slipping in the charts. It's been number one since June.
Do say: "Is that a légion d'honneur in your pocket …"
Don't say: "… or are you just pleased to see me?"
