Age: 39.
Appearance: Seminal.
Seminal? As in sp–. No! As in influential, ground-breaking etc. We are, of course, talking about Pink Floyd's era-defining eighth studio album.
Of course. The one that spent 11 years without a break in the top 100 and has sold 50m copies worldwide.
I thought this was G2, not Record Bores Monthly. But carry on. Its themes include madness, conflict and greed – as explored in the best known track, Money.
The one that goes: "All in all, it's just another brick in the wall"? No, the one that goes: "Money: It's a gas. Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash."
How very topical, what with evil plutocrats running the world and all. Funny you should mention that. David Cameron is currently claiming it's his favourite album on his Facebook page.
a) He's got a Facebook page? And b) why use the word "claiming"? a) He has, and it's got 160,000 followers. And b) because when he picked his "favourite" album before the general election, it was the Smiths' The Queen Is Dead.
That's quite a U-turn. Our beloved leader seems to have particularly fluid tastes. At various times he has also praised the Killers, Radiohead, Pulp, Blur, Arctic Monkeys, the xx, Florence and the Machine, Band of Horses, Lana Del Rey, Bob Dylan, REM, Benny Hill …
Would it be wrong to describe him as a "lying liar who can't even get his story straight"? It would certainly annoy any Tories who read the Guardian.
Er, I don't think there are any. Probably not. Anyway, back to the music. Quite a few of the tracks from Dark Side seem particularly apposite for Britain in 2012.
Is one of them Everyone Hates Us Just Because We're Destroying the NHS? Not quite. But they do include On the Run, Brain Damage and Us and Them.
Do say: "I have always loved music …"
Don't say: "… Ever since I heard Mick Jagger's saxophone solo on Sgt Pepper."
