Age: 49.
Appearance: No oil painting, judging by the oil paintings.
Silly name, face of a git. Is he a top Tory? He used to be prime minister.
What, recently? A couple of centuries ago. If you are wondering why you've never heard of him …
Let's pretend I am. He is often described as Britain's forgotten PM.
Often? Er …
Because logically … All right: he is sometimes described as Britain's forgotten PM. By those who remember him.
You're making even less sense than usual. And why the trip down memory lane? Because he died 200 years ago on 11 May! Shot dead! In the House of Commons! By an angry businessman!
Something to do with taxes? It usually is. Not this time. John Bellingham had been unjustly imprisoned in Russia and the government kept refusing to compensate him. At least that is the official version …
The other being? It was all a conspiracy. Bellingham was hanged just a week after the murder, and many historians feel his motives were not properly explored.
Ahem. "Forgotten prime minister", remember? Well, one historian: Andro Linklater, who has written a book called Why Spencer Perceval Had to Die. According to the blurb, Linklater has uncovered "strange payments" to the murderer.
Very sinister. But aren't we ignoring the victim? He must be used to it. But for the record, Perceval got into politics at the age of 33, when he became MP for Northampton, and was PM from 1809 to 1812, during which time he had to deal with economic depression, luddite riots and the madness of George III.
As in … Yes, as in the movie. Before all that he was a barrister.
Would it be too much to hope he was one of those working-class Tories we used to hear so much about? It certainly would. Perceval went to Harrow and Cambridge. Daddy was an earl.
Parliament hasn't changed much in 200 years, has it? Shh. Only one establishment conspiracy per pass note, remember?
Not to be confused with: Abraham Lincoln, JFK, Lance Percival.
