Age: 13.
Appearance: Older.
Ha! I know this one! She's the little singer who filled in for Dannii Minogue on The X Factor when Minogue was on maternity leave. Thought she was older than that though. Otherwise, technically, I now have to hand myself in to the police. You're thinking of (20-year-old) Pixie Lott.
Oh. Well, that's a relief. Let's see … is she Kate Moss's daughter? No, that's Lila Grace. Lottie is Kate's half-sister.
And that's why she's in the news? Good lord, is that all it takes now?
Not quite – she has just done her first fashion shoot. A series of test shots were arranged by Sarah Doukas, founder of Storm Model Management (and the agent who discovered Kate, aged 14, waaaay back in 1988), after photos of Lottie as a bridesmaid at Kate's wedding were in the papers.
May I say I'm surprised the parents allowed it? Her mother, Inger, has said that she is too young to model professionally yet, but it will be her own decision when she is old enough.
And is there a family resemblance?
She looks like Kate but without the intriguing oddity.
Maybe oddity comes with age. It did for me. I used to have one chin. Now I've got seven. On the plus side, I've lost my teeth, so it balances out. How old was Kate at her first shoot? Fifteen. But it was 1989 and she garnered huge attention by being tiny and waif-like in the era of Amazonian supermodels.
Whereas now most models are virtually indistinguishable from pubescent girls? Quite.
So Lottie's standing out because …?
Because she is the half-sister of the world's most famous model. Or anti-model.
Which I believe is what I said to begin with. I suppose you did, yes. A handwritten note of apology will be on your desk by the end of the day.
Do say: "The endless commodification and sexualisation of younger and younger female bodies never ceases to amaze and depress me."
Don't say: "I thought she was one of the Geldof lot? Which ones are they again? Or am I thinking of the Olsen twins?"
