Age: 28.
Appearance: Insufficiently frumpy.
How tragic. Well, it can be if you're an actor and you want to play mousey, complicated characters, but you look like a beautiful princess.
Yes, it must be hell. It hasn't stopped Hathaway, though. The star of The Princess Diaries and The Princess Diaries 2 is now the star of One Day, playing complicated, mousey Yorkshireperson Emma Morley.
Yorkshireperson? My Guardian style guide is right the other side of the room, so I just had a stab.
One Day – that's that book that absolutely everybody except me read. Yes, the bestselling novel recounting the lives of a man and a woman who meet on St Swithin's Day and keep in touch for 20 years.
Does she come across as a proper Yorkshire pudding? More pudding than Yorkshire, apparently. Her accent ranges far and wide, taking in London, Liverpool and parts of Scotland.
She should have practised. She did – Hathaway's nothing if not thorough. She even studied YouTube videos of cats to play Catwoman in the upcoming Batman movie.
I study YouTube videos of cats for no reason. What other talents does she have? Singing, being the face of Lancome, rapping and iffy taste in boyfriends.
Can we take those last two one at a time, please? Certainly. Hathaway recently performed a rap of her own on the Conan O'Brien show, "in the style of Lil Wayne". It's about the paparazzi.
Please tell me it's as hideous as it sounds. It is, but you can see for yourself on YouTube. A typical line is "Yo, I'm a paparazzi/I don't play no Yahtzee."
What about the boyfriend? Hathaway used to date real estate developer Raffaello Follieri, but broke up with him in June 2008, a couple of weeks before he was charged with 11 counts of fraud and money laundering. He was sentenced to four and a half years in jail.
Do say: "I look forward to seeing her play a mousey Catwoman."
Don't say: "Brilliant performance! When I close my eyes, it's like Lil Wayne's in the room!"
