Age: 65
Appearance: Naughty but nice.
Aaaaaay! I beg your pardon?
It's his catchphrase, you ignoramus. He being Arthur "Fonz" Fonzarelli, the greasy-haired tough guy from the pioneering fly-on-the-wall documentary Happy Days. It wasn't a–.
I haven't finished. He rode a motorbike, worked as a mechanic and rented a room from the middle-class Cunninghams. Inside his leather jacket beat a heart of gold, and he was like a god to their square son Richie. Bu–.
No woman could resist him; no bully could defeat him. His only weakness was that he could never refuse a challenge. Hence that moment in 1977 when he put on some water skis and literally jumped the shark. That's where the phrase comes from, in fact. NOW you can make your pathetic little contribution. Happy Days wasn't a documentary.
Are you sure about that? Positive.
Oh, dear. Then it's back to the usual routine. Who is blah and why is he in the thingumy? The Fonz is the fictional character once played by American actor Henry Winkler, and he's in the news because Winkler's visiting 11 Downing Street tomorrow.
To fix George Osborne's Harley? Fictional, remember. Winkler, who's now as much an author as an actor, will be meeting the chancellor's wife Frances as part of his First News My Way! tour.
Which is? An attempt to boost the confidence of children who have trouble learning. Winkler, who was diagnosed with dyslexia at the age of 31, has written 17 books about just such a child, called Hank Zipzer. His work with British kids earned him an honorary OBE earlier this year.
They say that, but I expect it's really because the Queen's a Happy Days fan. And is the chancellor himself going to be there? Why do you ask?
You know the way the Fonz could get anything to work just by hitting it? Uh-huh.
Perhaps he could do the same thing with the economy. We can hope.
Do say: Harder, Fonzie! Harder!
Don't say: Leave it, Arthur! He's not worth it.
