Age: 49.
Appearance: Younger than 49.
I'd know that unhealthy tan anywhere! It's that Italian who used to have a thing with Sven Göran-Eriksson. Italian-American, actually. And it was hardly a "thing". Sven and Annunziata were together for almost all the noughties.
Annun who? Oh, right, that's her real name. Wasn't she married when they started their affair? Theirs was a passion that brooked no opposition. As she wrote in her autobiography, like Guinevere lusting after Lancelot, "I had to listen to my body."
And then Sven had to listen to his. Didn't he two-time her with Ulrika Jonsson? Then three-time her with a secretary from the FA? Your knowledge is positively encyclopaedic today.
Only when it comes to ball games. What I don't know is what Nancy does when she's not falling for haddock-faced soccer managers. Everything! The international lawyer, TV presenter and author is also a lingerie designer and an ambassador for the 2012 Olympics. And, of course, living proof that ageing is all in the mind. As Nancy keeps pointing out, she looks "much, much younger" than 49.
Are you sure her real name's not Narcissus? And why are we talking about her today? Because she's now fallen for a bloodhound-faced theatre director.
The only one I can think of is Trevor Nunn. And it can't be him, because he's married to that lovely Imogen Stubbs. It can and it is. According to Nancy, she and Trevor met a couple of months ago via an actor friend, decided to have dinner together – "and it went from there". But even she finds it unlikely. "I don't even know how this happened," she says, "but he was in my mind, I was in his."
Remarkable, isn't it? Nancy says the word "mind" and we hear the word "pants". How's Imogen taking all this? She's got someone new as well.
Would it be wrong to hope that it's Sven? Almost certainly. Let's do it all the same.
Do say: "That's amore."
Don't say: "That's a bore."
