Age: Over 2,100 and still going strong.
Appearance: Revolting.
This is ancient history, isn't it? He was a rebel leader who died on a cross, just like that bloke in the Bible. The names's Jesus, you moron.
Nice to meet you. If I remember right, Spartacus was a Roman gladiator who turned on his masters. It wasn't just him the Romans crucified, but thousands of his mates. They could have escaped death by turning him in, but instead they all declared: "I am Spartacus!" It's the kind of thing that makes you proud to be human. You watch too many movies. That's Stanley Kubrick's version of history.
So Spartacus didn't look like Kirk Douglas? What really happened? Spartacus did exist, and he did lead a slave revolt in the first century BC. But he died in battle, and though 6,000 of his comrades were crucified, it wasn't because they were showing solidarity. The Romans were just big on law and order.
But why are we talking about him now? Spartacus lives! And he's taken over Twitter!
That internet thing where people with nothing to say attempt to stretch it to 140 characters? That's the one. #iamspartacus – ie "I am Spartacus" – is a hot British hashtag.
That's amazing! What's a hashtag?' It's what you put at the end of a tweet to show what it's about. Like this: #passnotes.
Or this? #loadofcobblers Precisely. #iamspartacus is a way of sticking up for Paul Chambers, a Twitter user who's been fined for making a joke about blowing up an airport. Some brave souls have been repeating his tweet, though a judge ruled it "obviously" menacing.
If only we had room to reprint it here. We do! "Crap! Robin Hood airport is closed. You've got a week and a bit to get your shit together otherwise I'm blowing the airport sky high!"
That was an ironic "if only". Won't the cops be coming after us now? You're forgetting our hashtag. #weareanonymous
Do say: "They can't fine everyone."
Don't say: "He's Spartacus."
