Age: 80.
Appearance: An aged Michael Douglas.
He's that Greek banker guy, right? Wrong. He's a Hungarian-American financier and philanthropist.
Oh. Hang on a second . . . What's that you've got there?
Just a herbal cigarette. But you don't . . .
Anyway, George Soros! Didn't he, erm, you know . . . Make $1.1bn in a single deal by short-selling sterling just before the Bank of England withdrew from the ERM in September 1992?
Um . . . yeah. And now Forbes magazine values him as the 35th richest person in the world, with a net worth of $14bn.
That's the guy. Listen. Have you ever noticed how, in a way, all currencies are like different fish? No.
And the world is a sort of giant pond? No, I'm still not noticing it.
Oh. Anyway, George Soros . . .
Oh yeah, him. How's he doing? Great. He's just invested $1m in California's campaign to legalise marijuana.
Dude! I know. In the past, he has donated large sums to help oppose apartheid and communism, eradicate extreme poverty in Africa, end the presidency of George Bush and support action on climate change. And he's passionate about drug policy, too.
Spot on! Access to weed is a basic human right. I don't think he'd go that far. But he does think banning it is counterproductive. "Being caught up in the criminal justice system does more harm to young people than marijuana itself," he says.
And hey, it can't be that bad for you if a guy can make $14bn while he's totally banjaxed. There is no evidence that Soros himself has ever taken cannabis. He just thinks Californians should vote yes on Proposition 19 next Tuesday.
Preposition what? Proposition 19; if the referendum is approved, it will become legal in California for most people over 21 to grow and consume small quantities of marijuana.
I thought most people in California already did? Well, now they can open the windows.
Do say: "Wouldn't it be awful if people had easy access to cannabis . . . Oh."
Don't say: "That, um . . . sorry, what were we talking about again?"
