Age: 18.
Appearance: Invisible.
First things first: who's Tom Daley? Haven't you been following the Commonwealth Games?
Maybe I have and maybe I haven't. But if I start knowing stuff, this column's going to be awfully short. Fair point. Daley is the 16-year-old diver who's been wowing them in Delhi, two years after he wowed them in Beijing. He's just won two gold medals, one of them for the 10m synchronised dive.
There's no such event. You're thinking of synchronised swimming. It's one of the highlights of the sporting calendar.
Ah, so the medal-winner must be British? Yes and no. As far as Delhi's concerned, he's officially English; Wales, Northern Ireland, the Isle of Man etc all have their own teams.
Fascinating. So what's with the "Not Tom Daley"? It's how you might describe Daley's team-mate, who dived into the same pool at precisely the same time – but barely made it into the news. It's all "Golden boy" this and "Daley show" that, despite the fact they both won a medal.
Does this Not Tom thingy have a name? It's Max Brick, an 18-year-old from Southampton. He's the one you haven't seen in all the papers. Daley's diving partner used to be the much older Blake Aldridge, but the pair fell out at the Beijing Olympics.
Tell me more about Max Brick. It sounds as if he needs the publicity. He's 1.67m tall and has been diving since he was 10. His tip for the top is: "Enjoy what you do!" His ambition is "to medal at the Olympic games". Either he doesn't like doing interviews or he never gets asked.
And he thinks "medal" is a verb? Perhaps it's a sporting thing. Much more excitingly, he does most of his dives dressed as Tony the Tiger.
Seriously? Could be. Who'd ever notice?
Do say: "I've always wanted to meet a celebrity . . ."
Don't say: ". . . so will you introduce me to your friend?"
