Age: Eight.
Appearance: Cute little blond tyke with a £200 hair cut.
I know. He's one of the Beckham boys. The middle one, yes. He just had a star-studded Hollywood birthday party.
What do you get for the boy who has everything? A life-size robot pony? A ride on the Space Shuttle? His own fashion label.
How cute. Do you mean he's been given some customised name tapes for his school clothes? No, I mean he's signed an actual commercial deal to design a fashion range.
No he hasn't. He has. He's going to design sunglasses especially for children.
Oh, RomeoWear. Far out, though, Romeo! How long did it take you to come up with that?
About four hours, if I'm honest. Actually the glasses will have an "RB" motif on them, although the range was originally going to be called Bambino Beckham.
What qualifications does the young fellow possess? "Romeo has a real eye for fashion," says a source.
And what, pray tell, does that mean, source? "He has very strong opinions on what works and what doesn't."
All eight-year-olds have strong opinions on what works and what doesn't, but they still wear their shoes on the wrong feet. And the only thing they can do with sunglasses is break them. What do his parents think? "Both Victoria and David are delighted," says the mysterious, all-knowing source.
What does 11-year-old Brooklyn Beckham – who has yet, I believe, to launch a range of anything – think about his younger brother's good fortune? Brooklyn was unavailable for comment.
Do say: "Look, Romeo – here are 25 different on-trend styles developed by our extensive team of designers and opticians. If you could just put down your ice cream and point to the ones you like, we'll write you a cheque straight away."
Don't say: "What's in a name?"
