Appearance:Bleary-eyed, unshaven, evidence of a wound on his right cheekbone.
Late night for the skipper was it? Out celebrating winning the Premiership with his Manchester United lads?
Not exactly late. By 10 o'clock on Monday night he was safely locked away in a Manchester police cell.
About time the constabulary did something about blatant daylight robbery of the title from its rightful owners.
Rightful owners? Anyone other than United.
You whinging Arsenal loser. Anyway, that's not why he was nicked. He was arrested in connection with an alleged assault.
On Gareth Southgate, David Batty, Jamie Redknapp, Alf-Inge Haaland and half the Premiership, presumably.
No. This was off the pitch. In a Manchester bar. A woman drinker there claimed that Keane kicked her.
Beating up women in bars? Doesn't sound like Keano.
Don't convict him yet. According to a spokesman for the bar, Keane was drinking quietly with a bunch of United players and was approached by two women 'whose behaviour caused offence to both staff and customers". A fracas ensued involving a champagne glass and a cut to Keane's face.
Sounds a bit harsh, arresting him for that.
If the Sun is to be believed, Keane is then alleged to have made abusive remarks to Maxine Rourke, poured beer over her head, and kicked her friend, 27-year-old Leanne Carey, in the leg.
I expect Keano will be hoping his manager doesn't hear about this.
Bit late to worry. Fergie was at the police station first thing yesterday.
So what happened?
Fergie's nose turned puce, Keano was released on bail and the desk sergeant got a pair for the Cup Final.
Note to Police Federation lawyers: that last bit was a joke.
Do say: 'Stories like this are an inevitable consequence of life lived in a goldfish bowl."
Don't say: 'What do you fancy, love, a treble?"
