Ah fine cigars, fine conversation... A gentleman's club. Well, not if William Hague gets his way.
What's that strange young man up to now? He is spearheading the campaign to grant full membership to women. Currently despite two votes on the matter they can only become associate members.
But that's an outrage! It certainly is. Today, at the club's annual meeting, Tory MP Robert Walter is expected to demand a ballot and says he'll resign if they don't get a move on. Hague's made it clear this is 'not acceptable', and could be forced to quit too if the rules aren't changed.
No, I mean admitting females is an outrage! Anyhow, if all Tory leaders get to join but women can't, what happened to Margaret Thatcher? They just declared Thatcher an 'honorary man'.
And which other high-minded members does the club boast? The usual Tory suspects (Michaels Portillo and Howard, for instance).
So, are women queuing up to join? Not that many. But it's no great surprise considering the Carlton's renowned 'Cads' Corner', a stairwell said to be frequented by members trying to look up women's skirts.
Not exactly the image that the modern party is trying to promote, I suppose. Absolutely not. If Hague resigns, it would show he means business.
Do say: 'Sexual discrimination has no place in the Conservative party of the 21st century. Now will you vote for me?'
Don't say: 'The problem with these women chappies is they don't know which way to pass the port.'
