Poppers? Not another drugs scandal at the toffs' school, surely? Emphatically not. Pop is Eton slang for The Eton Society, an exclusive club for elite prefects that has just elected Prince William to its membership. Apparently the club is so called because its members first met above a lollipop shop.
Who are they? They're a small, self-selecting group who exercise arbitrary power and get to dress up in silly clothes. Excellent preparation for William's future royal role, in other words.
What are the perks? Members can drop Eton's regulation black waistcoat and pinstripe trousers - in fact, dropping your trousers is a key part of the initiation - in favour of multicoloured waistcoats and (oh, the excitement!) houndstooth trousers. They can fine other students - the money goes to charity, they insist - and stay out later.
What's that about dropping trousers? Initiation to Pop involves "de-bagging" - letting other pupils rip off your trousers. Wills may also find himself getting pelted with baked beans. Undignified for a future king, perhaps. But things have never been the same since It's A Royal Knockout.
So Wills will be the envy of everyone at Eton, from the cricketers and the rowers to the the teachers? Yes. Only Eton prefers to call them dry bobs, wet bobs and beaks, respectively. But it's true: the Poppers rule the school.
They're the brightest kids in the place, then? Certainly not - if that were the case, we might end up with an academically gifted royal, and then where would we be? No, the cleverest students join another club, Sixth Form Select. Poppers tend to be charming and popular but not the sharpest tools in the box. Or, to put it another way: Jonathan Aitken was a member.
Don't say: "We are delighted to offer you a place at Cambridge conditional on your obtaining three As at A-level."
Do say: "Never mind the grades. I hear you were a Popper... "
