Status: Eccentric superstar.
Natural environment: Award ceremonies, rock stadia, fringe theatres on the Devon coast.
Run that last one by me again. The Queen's Theatre in Barnstaple, Devon. It puts on pantomimes, drama nights, the odd Michael Jackson gig.
Some mistake, surely. No. According to witnesses, Jackson turned up unannounced at the prize giving for a local martial arts class and performed for 450 parents and their kung-fu kids.
I bet is wasn't really him. It was so him. Mrs Hunt, sitting in the circle, was 10ft away and swears blind the man behind the mask was the real Wacko. "There is not a shred of doubt in my mind," she said.
How would she know? She's a former actress. She sees through greasepaint.
But you said he was wearing a mask. Sigh. Obviously he only wore the mask in the germ filled corridor between limo and stage door.
Oh, so there's a limo now. Look, I'm not making this up. The theatre manager was warned that a celebrity was going to turn up and sure enough, at 8 o'clock, in rolled a fragile beige performer with five bodyguards.
What happened next? The audience was told not to stand up or take photos. The artist who might have been Jacko jumped on stage and did a half hour set, encompassing such classics as Billie Jean and You're Not Alone.
What did the audience do? "People were staring at each other completely dumbfounded," says Mrs Hunt.
Have Jacko's people confirmed he was there? No. Matt Fiddes, the owner of the Barnstaple Tai Kwan Do Academy, said: "We have legal documents which prevent us from confirming or denying that the person on stage was Michael Jackson."
Do say: " Wow, what a people's performer. Is he available for bar mitzvahs?"
Don't say: "If only Jarvis Cocker had been through the Barnstaple Tai Kwan Do Academy."
