Appearance: Light, crusty, golden-brown crescent of yeast dough. Or at least that's the theory: in these sad days of culinary meltdown it's more likely to be a sorry, soggy, tasteless, bedraggled excuse for a pastry.
Except in Paris, bien sur. Sadly, no. Even in the capital of that once-proud nation of haute cuisine, savoir-vivre and comically over-subsidised farmers, you can't get a decent croissant, according to a survey in the French daily Le Figaro.
Have those crafty British beef farmers sabotaged the flour supply routes? They wish. But Figaro's food critic François Simon was appalled that the best croissant he could find scored only 11.5 on his scale of 20. He'd expected a "festival of devilishly enchanting lightness", but was sorely disappointed by the look, texture, taste and - especially - how bad they smell.
So what's the cause of the croissant crisis? Cornflakes, apparently. Our continental cousins are so fond of their breakfast cereals that the bakery trade may be toast within decades. The number of bakers in France has fallen from 54,000 in 1969 to 32,000 today.
Another shocking incursion of American culture on to Gallic shores? A ruling is expected soon from the Académie Française insisting that a small plastic figurine of Gérard Depardieu be given away with every box of cereal sold.
A humiliating fall from grace for the quintessential French pastry, then? Actually it's an Austrian invention. In 1686, the legend goes, a Turkish ambush was foiled when bakers heard the invaders creeping under their kitchens at night. The grateful Austrian authorities then allowed the bakers to create a commemorative pastry and sell it at a premium.
Why a crescent? To mock the Turkish flag. According to baking myth it was Marie "let them eat croissants" Antoinette who later introduced them to France.
What they're saying in the cafes of the Boulevard Saint-Michel: "A soggy croissant surplus? No problem - our cows will eat anything."
What they're not saying: "There's only one option. We'll have to import Chelsea buns from Britain instead."
