Why's he got such a silly name? Because he is, in his own words, a bit of a nutcase!
Exactly how much of a nutcase? Well, he's the landlord of the Golden Lion hotel in Ashburton, Devon, where B&B starts at £17.50 a night. You've got to admit it - that's zany!
Is that the uninspiring limit of his nutcase qualifications? OK, check this out for wackiness: he sits on Ashburton town council, where he's in his second term as lord mayor! Crazy guy, eh?
You've lost me. Oh, all right. He's the deputy leader and chairman of the Official Monster Raving Loony Party. Now come on, you can't deny this guy's just loopy! A real nutter!
So he wasn't christened Howling Laud Hope, then? No. His real name is Alan. He once had a small-time pop career under the stage name Kerry Rapid.
Didn't the party die with its last leader? You mean when David "Screaming Lord" Sutch hanged himself with a multicoloured skipping rope last June? Well, the Loonies have resolved to soldier on - at their annual conference, at the Golden Lion this week, they're expected to elect Hope, a friend of Sutch since 1957, as their new leader.
Why the fuss? Aren't they a pointless bunch of old rockers with no influence on British politics? That's true, I suppose. Who would ever think of enacting such Loony-originated policies as scrapping the 11-plus, giving 18-year-olds the vote or introducing passports for pets? I mean, come on - next they'll be suggesting we house asylum seekers in prisons or impose curfews on young children.
So why 'Howling' and not 'Screaming'? And why 'Laud' and not 'Lord'? I think you're approaching this in the wrong frame of mind.
Do say: "They add a unique touch of gaiety to British political life."
Don't say: "Not those jokers again. Quick, raise the deposit to £10,000."
Not to be confused with: Jack Straw.
