Can't tell you.
Appearance:
Don't know.
This is getting silly. Who are we talking about?
John Major's missing half-brother. Don't you read HarperCollins press releases? He's due to be the revelation in the former premier's memoirs (HarperCollins, two guineas, October 11).
Let's get this straight, we're not talking about Terry Major-Ball, the ex-PM's columnist elder brother, the Major with the charisma?
No, this is an American half-brother, the oldest of Tom Major-Ball's four children which makes him Major-Ball Major. He and Major Minor have, belatedly, met.
Gosh. He's not one of those 'bastards' John was always ranting about?
Certainly not. Tom may have been a circus trapeze artist, musical hall entertainer and gnome-maker, but he was a respectable one. He was married to Kitty Grant for 18 years before her death. He then married John's mum, as Kitty had urged him to do.
Fascinating. Why didn't we know about this brother before?
Because Terry, the family archivist, did not want to trouble John with skeletons in the family gnome cupboard as he clawed his way to the top via Brixton bus depot.
What does John feel about it?
He's reportedly 'chuffed to bits' and 'tickled pink'. Despite the fact that these comments appeared in a less reputable newspaper than this one, they sound authentic.
It's certainly a change from James and Emma's engagement:
We're not discussing that at present. James has been poorly.
He must get that eye for the girls from grandpa:
Possibly. Tom M-B was a bit of a character. His youngest son is devoted to his memory.
Can we expect more shock revelations in John's memoirs?
The publishers are hinting that he's going to savage them all - Portillo, Clarke, Lamont, everyone except Teresa Gorman, for whom he has 'a soft spot'. But you know what liars publishers are.
Do say:
'Have a nice day.'
