Don't be ridiculous. I'm just practising for this afternoon's conference. Dare I ask ...?
You guessed it, buckaroo! Today is the start of the two-day annual World Santa Claus Congress in Bakken. Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho indeed. So lots of mince pies for you, then?
Don't be glib. We Santas (and more than 100 of us do attend, "real ones from near and far", as the website tells us) have serious things to discuss, such as reindeer food, the size of presents and the date of Christmas Eve (that last one is usually resolved pretty quickly). You're making this up.
Not at all, it's all on Bakken's website. But Santa also likes to have fun, so we play games, too. Of course. But is this not a rather unseasonal time for a Santa conference?
Ignoramus! Obviously, it is only in the summer that Santas have time to meet up and take a break from finding out who's been naughty and who's been nice. Oh, right. But what is this "Bakken" of which you speak?
Glad you asked. It is the world's oldest amusement park, just north of Copenhagen, and is apparently "the foremost example of genuinely popular Danish culture". So aside from lots of chubby men in red suits, does this pinnacle of Danish culture offer anything else?
Well, you used to be able to gawk at "the lady with no lower body", but that, sadly, is no more. You can, though, go to the International Clown Festival in August, led by "the uncrowned King of Danish clowning, Benny Schumann". What a title! But let's get back to the Santas. So will you lot be making a list, checking it twice?
Hush. It's all for a good clause
Do say: Santa Claus is coming to town (x100).
Don't say: Bah humbug!
