God, I love Paris Hilton. Totally. I love how she corrupts all that she touches.
Think about it: Lindsay Lohan pre-Paris? A perfectly sweet and rather talented actress. Post-Paris? Pursuing her assistant's mother through the streets of LA with a pouch of coke in the car. Britney pre-Paris? Justin Timberlake's girlfriend. Post-Paris? Picking up dog crap with a designer dress. Mischa Barton? From beautiful if dubiously talented actress to hospital admission due to an alleged overfondness for a certain narcotic doing the LA rounds. She even managed to make Nicole Richie more of a disaster zone which, seeing as Richie was arrested with a balloon of heroin when she was 19, really is saying something.
Yeah, sure, Paris paid some dues with that jail thing but look at her now - still looking like a Barbie doll, eyes glazed to level of placidity best described as "ketamine-ish", while all of her minions around her are increasingly resembling extras from My Name is Earl.
But Paris, Gawd bless her, isn't neglecting them. She worries, y'know? It's very difficult not to shed a touched tear when watching an interview with Ms Hilton on yesterday's edition of a US programme, The Insider. So what does Paris think of all the chaos around her? "Everyone who's a human being on this earth has a responsibility to give back and make this world a better place," says our female Bill Gates. And to anyone out there saying, "And how the hell did being photographed on a beach wearing a string bikini this week make the blindest bit of difference to anyone other than the picture editors of Closer?" well, you underestimate the talents of this renaissance woman. As well as heaving her ever eager body into a bit of dental floss she has visited the LA children's hospital where she saw "all the little premature children." "The doctors said to me, you don't know how much of a difference this has made the childrens' day," Hilton said, which we're taking to mean she didn't feel the need to change out of aforementioned bikini before doing the hospital rounds. And that's not all: with "these two great philanthropists" -Mr and Mrs Hilton, perchance - Paris is going to "Rwanda and Africa." "I just feel," continues the geographically-challenged one, "if everyone makes a difference we can change the world." And indeed they can. Why, just look at how gay Paree has downgraded Africa to a country! That takes talent, y'know
