With the kind of delightful inevitability that makes Die Hard 4 look like a maverick project choice for OAP Bruce Willis, Paris Hilton is said to be "considering" appearing in the next Celebrity Big Brother. And anyone out there saying, "I saw that one coming about a hundred years ago," well, you're probably telling God's truth.
Apropos last week's launched competition in which readers are encouraged to send in their favourite dubious tabloid predictions about who will almost certainly (not) appear in a show that is increasingly looking towards the tribute bands end of the market for contestants, the Sun claims that Big Brother has approached Paris Hilton.
"Paris wants people to see she's not a bimbo or a wildchild. She's actually really smart and funny with lots of interesting things to say,"says one of the Sun's endless "insiders."
Indeed she is. And just to remind us all, let us recap some of those interesting sayings:
"The only rule is don't be boring and dress cute wherever you go."
"Wal-Mart - do they, like, make walls there?"
"I don't really think, I just walk."
Of course, the fact that we'll probably end up with Terry Christian, the drummer from Fine Young Cannibals and Peter Andre's little brother shouldn't concern us a jot - any story that let's us rehash that Wal-Mart joke is fine by us.
And anyway, it's not like that the Americans don't do this, too, ie, so it must be OK, right? According to today's New York Post, Andrew Neil's US hair doppleganger Donald Trump is trying to get Britney Spears and, busy bee that she is, Paris Hilton to appear on Celebrity Apprentice. Employing the kind of plain speaking honesty that we just so love to hear from our Yankee friends, the appeal of Britney is, Trump says, that she's "a fucking mess." The MacTaggart lecture takes tips from you, Trumpy. However, he then totally undermines everything by admitting, "I don't know if we're going to do it." Oh, Donny! That's not the way to play this August game AT ALL
