#1
When new teeth grow in, I told her that they create new tastes. Now she tries to figure out which new foods she will like every time a new tooth comes in.
Image credits: Christopher Wilson
#2
She's older now, and knows that it's a lie, but I used to change the name of foods. She didn't like tomato soup, but loved ketchup soup. She wouldn't try lasagna, but spaghetti cake is her fave food lol
Image credits: ♒ chey 🧿
#3
Raised my kids to know that parents have to send Santa money for toys/presents. That’s why some kids get a lot and some don’t. At 17 and 13, they never brag about gifts until they know what everyone else recieved.
Image credits: RNH726
#4
When their tablets need updating I have to mail it directly to Amazon and we have no clue how long it will take days,weeks or months. In reality they are in my closet and I just want them outside catching toads and bugs. 🤣🤣🤣
Image credits: Holly Smith5901
#5
My mom told me that coffee stunted your growth. One day, working as a dental assistant at 20, my patient goes “what’s your fav coffee place around here” I respond with “oh I don’t drink coffee, my mom said it stunts your growth” right then my mom walks into the room (she was also an assistant and friends with the patient) so the patient looks at her and goes “do you wanna tell her or should I?” 😭😭😭
Image credits: Athena Molina 🖤
#6
That if we saw the moon - it would follow us home to make sure we made it safely. My daughter believed this until like middle school and still talks about it
#7
Our sons didn't eat cooked onions ( in casserole, etc l.). " It's not onion. It's Japanese Clearfruit." They cleaned their plates.
#8
We told our daughter she couldn’t go to Disney World unless she learned how to go potty in the toilet. We told her Mickey doesn’t allow diapers.
Image credits: Jhigham99
#9
My step son is an extremely picky eater but very much a foodie. He loves watching cooking shows and Gordon Ramsay. So now every time I try a new recipe, I tell him it’s Gordon Ramsay recipe (even if it’s not)😂😂 falls for it every time! Now he will eat just about anything😂
#10
My mom used to tell me that the AC in the car only worked when I was quiet.🙃
#11
For every bite of vegetables at dinner, they could stay up 5 minutes later. But, they didn’t know how to tell time.
#12
When the ice cream truck plays music, it means they’re empty.
Image credits: laurawilliams3606
#13
I told my kiddos to brush good the tooth fairy is like a jeweler the whiter the tooth the more $ it’s worth…
Image credits: user2769032051290
#14
All the candy at the front at checkouts is expired. That’s why it’s up front
Image credits: Ourfarmlooplife
#15
My mom told me McDonalds was a farm!
Image credits: Kyla Carter
#16
Told my daughter I could open the car trunk with my eyes. As we would walk to the car I would squint while pushing the button in my pocket 😂
#17
You don’t just go to Chuck E. Cheese. You have to be invited 🥴😂
#18
We live on a lake and all our granddaughters know the lake doesn’t open until 9am. LOL
#19
They think the car doesn’t start unless their seatbelt is fastened. Facts.
#20
My younger brother thought that North Carolina was the windshield capitol of the world until he was in college because one time we were driving through the state during a really bad storm and he was a super nervous kid so my dad had to reassure him that we were safe because we were in the windshield capitol of the world.
#21
I have a gold tooth because I was a pirate before I was a firefighter. Gold teeth is how we tell each other apart offer retiring from piracy.
#22
Cows know when rain is coming. so when you see them all laying down in a field it means it’s about to rain and they want to keep their spot dry (source: my dad)
#23
Some of these are straight savage 😂Once forgot to play the tooth fairy, told the kids that the tooth fairy had to wait until the bank opened to get cash out.
#24
I told my daughter that whenever a kid lies to their parents they eyes glow… now if she’s lying she squints at me!
#25
When my son was little I told him he couldn’t wake me up until the “9s” on the clock, but I set his clock back an hour so it was actually 10. 🫣
#26
We’re in a semi-rural areas so there are multiple wild rabbits around the house. I told my son they’re all easter bunny spies who report back daily, all year.
#27
Dead animals on the side of the road/shoulder were “taking naps.”
Image credits: jwilfahrt
#28
I told my kids they didn’t like soda, and every time they wanted to try it, I gave them club soda. They are now teens and both hate soda :)
#29
I told my daughter when she lies only I can see a red dot on her forehead. If she tells me something I think is a lie I’ll look from her eyes to her forehead and she says the dot is there isn’t it. She’s 9 😂😂
#30
When my son was small he always wanted to go to Walmart. I changed my cousins name in my phone to Walmart and told him to say we’re closed today. 😂😂
#31
I’ve got so many but my fave is telling them that Santa’s elves went on a union strike due to unfair wages and hours so Santa has to ask parents to help wrap gifts
#32
I told them I was allowed to sing in the car because I was one of the founding members of KidzBop 😂😂😂
#33
McDonald’s is closed. The cars you see in the parking lot are all broken down and abandoned.
#34
You can only have so much stuff. if you get a new stuffy, you have to donate an old one or there will be a kid who doesn't have one at all. usually ends up choosing not to try and convince me to buy another stuffed animal
#35
I tell them I’m 27
#36
I told my kid she’d been vaccinated against mesothelioma when she was freaking out about it.
#37
The word “Vegetarian” comes from an old Indian word, meaning “Bad Hunter” 💯
#38
Before my kids could read they thought every fortune cookie at Chinese restaurants said, “listen to your mommy and daddy” One day when my daughter was about 10 she asked how come they never say that anymore 🤣
#39
When my oldest has terrible growing pains in her knees we put lotion on them telling her it was easing the pain. She bought it and went back to sleep. #placebo
#40
Any time they want something from the store I say “ok just put it on the list”. The list doesn’t exist
#41
My son used my credit card to buy stuff on Fortnite when he was 9. Called a cop friend to come scare the shit out of him. My son is 16–he still thinks we called the cops on him and they just happened to send our friend.
#42
My daughter decided to clean her fishy tank and refilled the water boiling hot and cooked the poor fish. We told her he had a heart attack from old age I think she bought it. 🤣 RIP Potato chip
#43
Gremlins live in the trees around our house and they get their strength from bad manners. If they get strong enough they come into your room and eat your favorite toys. Saying please, thank you, and being polite hurts their ears and keeps them away.
#44
Before I could read my mom would tell me every sign in a store said “all children must have their hands behind their backs”
#45
Blippi is on vacation (can’t watch it today!) and before a Disney cruise we said we needed to call in to report if our child ate their vegetables that day because he couldn’t go if he didn’t properly eat every night and we would do a fake call
#46
Told my kid I was the original green power ranger. Google home told him it was Tommy Oliver. Cover blown.
#47
Every single car accident we passed was bc the kids were fighting in the back seat
Image credits: Sarahtommie
#48
Salmon is pink chicken
#49
My son thinks his name is Wilson. it's just Will. he's 13
#50
If I didn’t want to share I told my kids whatever I was eating/drinking was too spicy for them.😂😂😂
#51
If I replay a song more than twice, Spotify will kick me out 😂
#52
The moms at the town over made Starbucks stop selling cake pops in the morning because they were sick of paying for them before school and now Starbucks only sells cake pops after school
#53
That the mannequins in the store were kids who ran away from their mommy at the store and now are stuck there forever 😂
Image credits: Jacqui Williams
#54
I tell each one in private and very secretive that they are my favorite one. I tell them they can never say anything to anyone. So they all think they are my favorite one and we do secretive winks when the rest of the sibling’s aren’t looking 😅 🙈
Image credits: Viirii
#55
I was told speed bumps are kids who didn’t hold hands in parking lots.
#56
Dunkin only serves donuts in the morning they only stay open for adults to get coffee bc we’re tired 😂
#57
Anytime I don’t want to watch one of my daughters shows , I tell her they’re sleeping. Sorry, paw patrol are sleeping ! She’s only 2.5 and I’ll be the sad the day this doesn’t work! 😂
#58
Told my kids we're having salmon for dinner. They said they didn't like salmon. Served it and they asked what it was, I told them it was pink chicken. They all had 2 helpings.
#59
I’m allergic to hamsters, gerbils, and other small animals that require cages.
#60
Made my daughter believe she was allergic to alcohol. Worked until she went to college 🤣
#61
If his ears don’t seem to be working (poor listening) I pretend to call the Dr so that we can go get ear shots 😌
#62
If I didn’t want to listen to their Spotify playlist in the vehicle I would say, “Oh noooooo…..they were singing for so long that they are now taking a break.”
#63
everytime, he rolls his eyes at me or says whatever it takes seconds off my life... doesn't happen much anymore now.
#64
My daughter in law said her parents used to say “knock it off or we’ll send you away like your older brother”. She’d say I don’t have an older brother. They said “exactly”.
#65
Sorry, the playgrounds close at 7pm
#66
My husband is an orthopedic surgeon. My kids think all his surgery patients are kids who were jumping on the couch/bed or running on the stairs. 🫠
#67
Target check out, the candy and food in the racks is for the workers to eat on their break so don't touch anything.
#68
Tooth fairy doesn’t come to our house when bedrooms are dirty…. They still don’t clean it well no money for you lol works for me cause I don’t keep change anymore
#69
Lying turns the tongue black. Eventually it will just fall off when the lie quota is met 😬
#70
I tell him Youtube is down ... idk why their IT department can't get their act together lol
#71
“We’ll see” 😂 we ain’t seeing nothing about nothing
#72
I told my child that if he doesn’t make his bed as soon as he wakes up, his guardian angel will continue sleeping and won’t protect him. He has make his bed ever since 😅
#73
When an ambulance drove by our house at nights, sirens blaring, I told them it was the bedtime police coming to ticket them for not going to sleep.
#74
My mom told us that the “falling rock” signs was a missing kid that didn’t listen to their parents, and my brother was 19 and asked “did they ever find that missing Native American kid falling rock?”
#75
Their mom (me) used to drive for nascar. Also was in a rock band before they were born. Of course I have no photo evidence because I’m so old.
#76
All the snacks and drinks I don’t want to share have alcohol in them so they can’t have any!
#77
When she refuses to go to bed I tell her she’ll turn into a zombie and start turning green.
#78
Told them they have motion sickness and we cant go to amusement parks
#79
Told my daughter she’s allergic to facepaint when the line for face painting was about 2hrs long. That was 10 years ago and she still tells her friends she’s allergic to it. I should probably tell her the truth now 🤔
#80
that Google was the one to block Roblox and Youtube on their tablet. 😬🤫🤫🤫
#81
I’m allergic to slime 😁👍🏻
#82
My son refuses to eat cheese (insane I know) so I tell him cream cheese is frosting and I put sprinkles on it on his bagels to make sure he’s getting enough calcium. He gon be real mad when he learns what real frosting is. 😅
#83
There are cameras in every room. I am always make them tell the truth with that. I say “don’t make me check the camera”! Feel free to use😂😂
Image credits: Chuck
#84
Their beloved grandfather died, and I told them that he moved to Florida. I bought Xmas presents from him to them and kept it up for 10 yrs until they were old enough
#85
Told my kids I had two other kids named Katie and Tobias. When my kids acted up, I would tell them that Katie and Tobias never act like that.
#86
They think my husband is allergic to cats. We just don't want cats.
#87
Our smoke detectors have web cams to keep them honest 💀
#88
The old classic one, chocolate cows, chocolates milk.
#89
If you get bad grades you go to jail when you graduate
#90
I told my kid the oil stains in parking lots were blood stains of kids who ran off from their parents and got hit by cars
