Let us turn our attention to Lionel Richie, who has announced plans to have another child at 67. “I’m willing to become a father again,” he told the Mirror, using the type of language that screams non-negotiable, possibly legally binding relationship dealbreaker. It’s good news all round as he joins Ronnie Wood, who became a father to twin girls at age 69, and Mick Jagger who is expecting his eighth child at age 72.
Lost in Showbiz is a bit cautious about late-in-life fatherhood. Not just the physical stuff (to paraphrase the line in When Harry Met Sally: “Charlie Chaplin had kids at 73.” “Yeah, but he was too old to pick them up”). Or the double standards when a woman does it; consider the relative disgust and outrage when Janet Jackson announced she was having a baby at 50. No, it’s more the way the fundamentals of childrearing have changed since the baby boomers did it, locking infants in cars, pushing them to write to Jimmy Savile and feeding them Vimto in nursing bottles. Times have definitely changed, but here are two key points to bear in mind (Lionel, feel free to cut out and keep this bit):
1) Teletubbies have their own babies now. I know. It’s bizarre and unclear how this happened, as they appear to have stayed exactly the same age as before. We’re pretty sure this makes, like, total sense if you’re under 25.
2) Celebrity baby names have gone off the silly chart. Ronnie called his twins Gracie and Alice. BORING. Alanis Morissette hit the jackpot, naming her daughter Onyx Solace, possibly after a new hair removal therapy.
Lost in Showbiz, whose heart’s desire as a parent is to “just sit here and do nothing and talk to no one for a minute”, worries about how Richie and co will cope with this Brave New baby World. So much so that we will withstand the compulsion to make a gag along the lines of: “By the time Richie Jr is out of nappies, Richie Sr could be need some,” or “Time to do a Huggies bulk-buy.”
Well done us.
